He says ow makes him feel good about himself, i never did, its easy with her, they just click
This was the hardest part for me - I knew the 'newness' of the entire thing was something that had me at a great disadvantage. It absolutly over-rode everything. But we hang in there and hang on, and if it meant stepping aside and in some cases getting stepped on, and the whole time all you want to do is at least feel 'accepted' by your own spouse.
What is going dark and how do i do it.
Going dark is basically about giving yourself the time and space YOU need to get your self together - mentally, physically and emotionally, without any influence from your H. And I personally thing there are different levels to going dark.
At first it was about no being so forth-coming with H, I left some mystery as to MY life. If he asked where I was, I say 'just out and about' if he asked who with 'just some friends' nothing specific but nothing detailed. But it does get their curiosity going (and we all know curiosity kills the cat). I never asked about him, didnt pretend to be interested. But I was always pleasant and positive.
Then I tried to not be so available and not have as much contact with H, as in not answer his calls right away or wait a day to call back. Turn down an offer to 'come in and have a seat' when dropping S off. And I was doing more GAL and felt better. I was working on me - detatching a bit from H, it was a break for me, yet still enough contact w/H to keep DRing.
Then there's dark - it means having no contact unless it's absolutly necessary, I dont call you - you dont call me, unless....we keep it short and civil and that's it, I call it the 'sticking to the basics'. I still try to remain civil when we do talk or see each other because we do have a child together. And I didnt want to have to go to this level of dark, but for right now I need to.
I just keep going back to i love him and want this to work. I also feel that because of all the things he has said about me that i feel i have to let him do this to show i do care and love him. Hes turned all this into my fault and even though i know in my mind its not true my heart tells me let him to show that you do care. Do i sound confused?!?!
It is confusing, your brain is telling you one thing and your heart is crying out another, and it's an inner struggle because you do love him and you do care......he knows this, trust me. The blame game is the worst - it's nothing but excuses on both sides, all it does is knock the other person down while building the other up.
I dont know what your entire sitch is so which level of dark you choose depends on alot. Do you have a thread?
