Hey Guys, I have been such a fool and probably deserved everything I got. I thought I was doing great DBing and then I got too much at once I knew pushing him would push him away but I did it anyway - why I don't know maybe to test him and see if he cracked it like usual or maybe as I knew there was more to come. Thanks for all your comments and feedback. As for you NYSURVIVOR (((((thanks))))) you were harsh and straight to the point and I bawled all the way through your post. The truth hurts but I know I needed to hear it. I have done everything for my H always looked after him and he has never had to pay a bill nothing and I guess I still expect to control everything. No matter what my H has done I always forgive him that's something he said How can you possibly love me still when all I do is hurt you over and over again. Maybe a fresh start with DBing and my 1st 180 would be to not help him to not make this so easy. To just speak when I am spoken to and leave it at that. I think for a week or so he needs to know I am very disappointed and upset by doing that and if he says anything saying I know you have your problems but I have mine too and that is I have to get used to the fact that I never really knew you. You see I found out they have been at it for 3 years last night. 3 YEARS 3 YEARS I can't believe I didn't see that, I can't believe my H was deceptive for that long, how did he continue to look me and our son in the face, how did he ML to me constantly till he left and after, why didn't the ML drop off. Where were the signs why didn't I see them, how could I have married this person when he was completely different to what I thought. He has always been so Innocent, Honest Caring not this person, everyone all our friends my family his family cannot believe this of him, nobody knew him. I thought it was MLC he turned 40 last year, I thought it was to do with revelations about his dad interferring with his sisters that did his head in as that was 2 years ago but this is 3 YEARS. No excuses now, I am devastated at him and at myself. I feel so empty, dirty, worthless.....I think this has affected me so much more this time as I have been living in a dream world for 3 years that is such a long time. I do need to go dark as I can't even stand him at the moment, it will be all I can do in letting him have our S as I don't want him near me. I am soooo hurt and devastated. I took our marriage so seriously, you see my parents seperated when I was 15 and I never wanted my kids to live through that and now they will. S9 is my H and my child and S16 and D15 are mine from b4. H has been in their lives since they were 4 & 5. I didn't want them to lose another dad so my god I made sure they weren't around him too much at the beginning, i made sure of him b4 I let the kids in on the relationship and now look i f&&cked it all up. Sorry guys but I am so low at the moment, I cannot believe it. I will go dark that is fine but I don't even know if I want to come back into the light, I will have to work that one out. Sorry I am such a bummer at the moment and NY maybe you will have to hang around to give me my foot up the bum when I need it...
Hey Guys, I have been such a fool and probably deserved everything I got. I thought I was doing great DBing and then I got too much at once I knew pushing him would push him away but I did it anyway - why I don't know maybe to test him and see if he cracked it like usual or maybe as I knew there was more to come. Thanks for all your comments and feedback. As for you NYSURVIVOR 
(((((thanks))))) you were harsh and straight to the point and I bawled all the way through your post. The truth hurts but I know I needed to hear it. I have done everything for my H always looked after him and he has never had to pay a bill nothing and I guess I still expect to control everything. No matter what my H has done I always forgive him that's something he said How can you possibly love me still when all I do is hurt you over and over again. Maybe a fresh start with DBing and my 1st 180 would be to not help him to not make this so easy. To just speak when I am spoken to and leave it at that. I think for a week or so he needs to know I am very disappointed and upset by doing that and if he says anything saying I know you have your problems but I have mine too and that is I have to get used to the fact that I never really knew you. You see I found out they have been at it for 3 years last night. 3 YEARS 3 YEARS I can't believe I didn't see that, I can't believe my H was deceptive for that long, how did he continue to look me and our son in the face, how did he ML to me constantly till he left and after, why didn't the ML drop off. Where were the signs why didn't I see them, how could I have married this person when he was completely different to what I thought. He has always been so Innocent, Honest Caring not this person, everyone all our friends my family his family cannot believe this of him, nobody knew him. I thought it was MLC he turned 40 last year, I thought it was to do with revelations about his dad interferring with his sisters that did his head in as that was 2 years ago but this is 3 YEARS. No excuses now, I am devastated at him and at myself. I feel so empty, dirty, worthless.....I think this has affected me so much more this time as I have been living in a dream world for 3 years that is such a long time. I do need to go dark as I can't even stand him at the moment, it will be all I can do in letting him have our S as I don't want him near me. I am soooo hurt and devastated. I took our marriage so seriously, you see my parents seperated when I was 15 and I never wanted my kids to live through that and now they will. S9 is my H and my child and S16 and D15 are mine from b4. H has been in their lives since they were 4 & 5. I didn't want them to lose another dad so my god I made sure they weren't around him too much at the beginning, i made sure of him b4 I let the kids in on the relationship and now look i f&&cked it all up. Sorry guys but I am so low at the moment, I cannot believe it. I will go dark that is fine but I don't even know if I want to come back into the light, I will have to work that one out.