What I realize about the OW is that she comes off across as the 'more understanding one' to our H's needs and worries. I'd like to be understanding, but it is my life that they have both turned upside down, and this child's. I struggle with how to be reasonable and understanding at an unreasonable/ confusing time.
This was a big thing for me. My H was very open and talked to me about how wonderful and understanding the OW was. And of course it was very difficult for me to be that way as I felt the same as glj. But somewhere along the way, I was able to change that about myself. I do fall back to those old feelings and even act on them sometimes which definately needs to be eliminated. However, after really looking this whole situation over, I am taking on the role of being kind and understanding. For me, rebuilding my marriage is my focus and I can only do that through kindness, caring and understanding.
The cool thing -- the OW isn't always so understanding anymore
So how do I deal with her -- I don't. I've been through phases. Several months ago I went through a confrontation phase - I don't advise that at all. It really did not help my efforts. Then I went through an avoidance phase where I was paranoid that I would run into her out somewhere and thinking about that made me feel so inferior and terrified of what she might think of me. That was stupid of me. So now, once in a while the urge to confront her comes back but I push it down, way down. And as far as running into her out and about somewhere, I really don't care anymore. I like who I am and I do not have to prove a thing to her.
So the best thing I can say is work to the point where you can begin to "act as if" the OW doesn't exist. And never think of yourself as second best.........
