Sorry to hear u r in the same boat as the rest of us ( my sitch: together 6 yrs, married almost 2, few weeks away from delivering our first child, H is involved with OW and admitted to 2 one night stands before this woman ).
I'm getting the same kind of info fed to me by my H, about what the OW is saying...that she never wanted to hurt anyone, that she would never get in the way of my H and this child...blah, blah, blah. But she already has. We live and work in Taiwan and my plan is once this baby is able to fly I'll be going back to Canada.
What I realize about the OW is that she comes off across as the 'more understanding one' to our H's needs and worries. I'd like to be understanding, but it is my life that they have both turned upside down, and this child's. I struggle with how to be reasonable and understanding at an unreasonable/ confusing time.
I can see my H is torn... and in a loop that involves me, him, and OW. I briefly left for a month back to Canada in April, also stayed at a friends place for a week, and last weekend told him to move out...each time I got the 'work on us' speech and I want to live in the house. Everytime I have left or told him to go he runs back.
So by me going to Canada I'm taking myself out of the loop, because as long as this loop exists my H will not come any closer to deciding what he wants.
As for contacting OW, I have had the urge...called her on her cell but she didn't answer ( but it wasn't to talk to her but to track down my H since he wasn't answering his phone ). I think if I ever ran into her I'd only ask her one question..." How could you look me in the eye, sit next to me, carry conversations with me...while u were doing this behind my back?". That's it....and I think it would be enough. I almost wish she was a stranger and I couldn't picture her face, but that's not the case. I'm getting better at blocking thoughts of them together out of my mind, but it's a battle. I just don't care anymore and my H sees it on my face... and it's getting to him. Time will tell what will happen next, especially when this baby arrives. Will there be a turn around in my H? Maybe. Then it us up to me what choices I make.
Patience is the key as everyone says on these boards, but for everyone it is different. It is up to you to figure out how long you are willing to be 2nd best.
