Hi everyone, I am new to this but would love to hear from anyone who has had positive outcomes when their spouse has left you for another person. I am trying to "act as if" and it is hard. My H says he still cares about me but has to see what happens with OW first. That makes me feel like I am 2nd best or 2nd choice. If it doesn't work out with OW he may come back to me. I do want him back desperately but it's hard to stay confident. I go out and pretend I am having fun with other people and accept the situation but I feel like that tells him his affair is o.k. He hasn't mentioned divorce yet and hasn't moved in with OW but I feel it's a matter of time. She is from his work and is 10 years older with adult kids, we have a S9, and I have D16 & S17 from previous. He has been their dad for 12 years and says he still wants to be their dad. I think she offers him freedom. No kids screaming when he gets home and no pressures, they can come and go when they like. Apparently they tried to stop their affair several times as they felt guilty but he moved out in Feb not telling me about her and only told me about her 3 weeks ago when he had come to me 2 weeks prior and said he wanted to make a real go of our M. He just didn't tell me about her....He then said she had told him to give it another go for the kids sake.....I dont understand as when he was back at home overnight during the 2 weeks we were supposed to be having another go at it he was loving and tender and caring but was harbouring the secret of his affair. In the end he said his feelings for her were too strong to deny and he couldn't give it a proper go with me until he knew what the future held for them. I would love to hear from anyone in a similair situation and that has had some sort of hope out of this and what sort of things help. As I said I am trying to act as though I don't care and that my life is perfect when it is anything but. I feel sick when I think of him with her so I try not to think about them but that is easier said than done. He is open to doing things together for the kids sake not that we have done that yet other than both going to our S9's footy on Sundays. I don't know if I should wait for him to make the suggestion or make it myself, he has said earlier he would like to do stuff with me and the kids, to keep everyone as friends and says he wants me as a friend and will always care about me. Maybe there is hope I don't know. I have joined the Gym and am trying to lose some weight and have dyed my hair but I don't think he is one bit interested, I think he just wants things smooth sailing as he doesn't like confrontation and he would be thinking life could be difficult if I wanted to make it that way. Mind you I have done nothing to make him think that as I have tried to be understanding about the whole situation telling him he has to do what he feels is best for him and make his own decisions. I dont tell him what to do or offer advice I just keep saying he has to do what is right for him, even though I have a million things to say, I wont. Please Please Please someone must have something to say....... Kim
