Hmm....I am really glad my thread is being used for this great discussion. Well, regarding the ILY issue, it all depends on what your love language is. Mine is AOS and WAW knows it too. So, every time I do something for her these days I am expressing my unconditional love for her. My WAW is no fool, she knows it. Now, I dont want to do it so much that she feels stifled or pressured. But I do it occasionally and it is usually fairly well received. In any case, as Michelle says "actions speak louder than words". Lately, my WAW has been doing little acts of service for me as well, indicating baby steps in my direction. Overall, I believe that the greatest measure of unconditional love that we can express is to : listen, validate, empathize, be patient, treat the WAS well, GAL, give space, be gentle, change ourselves for the better, do not assign blame, wish the best for them, support them through their hard times, etc. If the WAS does not turn around after a protracted period of demonstrating these actions, then at least we would have gotten back to becoming wonderful human beings and there is clearly a great deal of spiritual growth that has been accomplished.
This whole thing is a spiritual malaise that has crept into the M, our WAS and the LBS. It is a time for cleansing of our souls and concentrated self-improvement. Our WAS may miss this opportunity for growth. We would be fools and no better than the WASs if we too lie around in denial, rancor, or self-flagellation and self-pity and do not place ourselves on a higher spiritual plane through all this. Adn it is very, very hard to do so. To see past the pain and reach for the light at the other end of the tunnel. Ultimately though that will be our salvation, both for our own spirit, as well as the only way in which we can draw back our WASs. Some people find religion in experiences like this. While I respect that, being an agnostic with Buddhist leanings, I find myself looking at it more from a spiritual standpoint than religious. (I do watch and enjoy Joel Osteen on TV though ).
UD
The 3 laws of DBing:
1. PMA is critical to DBing.
2. Since drop in WAW's PMA leads to drop in LBS's PMA and vice-versa detachment is critical.
3. Validate to raise WAW's PMA and GAL to raise LBS's.
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