OK, I am replying to your inputs in the raging debate on MLC issues.
Bruce: "In the case of trauma, psychosis, addiction there is substantial evidence to indicate and support people are often not "in their right mind" and have trouble with reasoning, decision making, reality and perception." Yes, it is hard to dismiss the WAS's actions as reflecting a loss of reasoning ability. However, in the case of most "normal" people who do become WAS's there must be a trigger for it. If you view human mental processes as being just that, dynamic evolving patterns of thought, the question is what possesses WASs to take paths that seem irrational. What I am saying is, when the WAS is in a situation of evaluating their emotional state, and the state of their most immediate relationship, i.e. the M, they can get overwhelmed by the problems if they do not address it in little bits as and when they show up. My WAW has the tendency to hold all the stuff in and she built resentments over time that I was unaware of. It got to the point that she was tipped over the edge. I.e. when faced with a problem any human being will resort to either "fight" or "flight", correct? Now, it seems to me that when the problem is perceived to be small said human being will attempt to "fight", i.e. work to address it. When they preceive it to be too much they will resort to "flight". Now, in midlife the "flight" response becomes all the more onerous because: 1. Time is running out. 2. There are a lot of external stressors, such as jobs, in-laws, money issues, kids, fall in energy levels, etc.
Now, given these issues, it is not clear to me that the WASs are making the most optimal decision by walking away based on cool rationalization. They are acting in panic mode. Which is what MLC is all about, a panic response brought on by fear and confusion.
UD
The 3 laws of DBing:
1. PMA is critical to DBing.
2. Since drop in WAW's PMA leads to drop in LBS's PMA and vice-versa detachment is critical.
3. Validate to raise WAW's PMA and GAL to raise LBS's.
