You are spot on. It took me a while to realize those things (too long, almost 1.5 years). When I did, things started to get better with WAW and also I started to feel better within me. Anger and resentment are debilitating feelings and when you cannot shed them you give off a negative aura that repels and frightens the WASs.
I am in a very testing time right now. My parents have figured out that something is very wrong with me and WAW. I had tried to hide this sitch from them for so long but it was inevitable that the crap should become apparent to them eventually. I am trying to muster my strength to deal with it and so am lying low on the boards for now. Also have a lot of work emergencies. WAW is low as well but is planning a lot of GAL activities for herself including several out-of-town trips. That is good actually. I am exhausted with dealing with her and would like a break from the drama for a while.
This compassion thing is exhausting, folks.
BTW, for all who are dealing with a spouse who seems, at midlife to have lost a few key marbles and are blaming their ennui, malaise, discontent and unrest solely on you, I highly recommend the following book: Awakening at midlife by Kathleen Brehony (avaliable on Amazon).
I have found it an excellent read. It will help you see what the MLCer is experiencing and hopefully develop some understanding and perhaps even sympathy for them.
UD
The 3 laws of DBing:
1. PMA is critical to DBing.
2. Since drop in WAW's PMA leads to drop in LBS's PMA and vice-versa detachment is critical.
3. Validate to raise WAW's PMA and GAL to raise LBS's.
