Upon reviewing my previous posts I got the feeling that I was somehow casting my W as the villain of the piece. That I was tarring her with the stigma of the mid-life crisis. I think, upon the heels of my admission of how I believe I contributed to where I am with my WAW, I want to further confess how I feel about my WAW. This is straight from my heart:
1. My W is the first and only woman that I have loved. I fell in love with her because she had an amazingly bright smile. She still does. She was lively, vivacious and sexy. She still is.
2. She is the woman that I love.
3. I failed her in many ways. I am trying to forgive myself for that but it has been very difficult.
4. She lost her way. I was partially to blame for her loss of way. She is a woman who for a long time carried many burdens. She came from a humble background. She rose above it by her intelligence and her hard work and strength. I admire her for it. I helped her get to where she is every step of the way. I hope deep in her heart she remembers that. Her father ailed for ten years and died prematurely fast on the heels of the death of both her grandmothers. Three deaths in a space of two years. I was there and I held her hand on all three tragedies. Sometimes i am very angry with her for casting me aside and for forgetting the past.
5. My W lost her way. I feel terribly sad about it. I wish I could help her. But I know I cannot. I can only stand by and watch. Now I want to be a better man. Hopefully she will see that I am somebody that changed for the better through this ordeal and that I never gave up on her. That she can depend on me and come back to me if she so decides.
6. I have great compassion for my W. Her days must be heavy on her now. I can sense that. She is trying to deal with her pain amidst being a mother to my child and trying to struggle through her career. Despite my pain I hope to lighten her load in any way I can. Some days it is difficult. My selfishness gets in the way. I have to learn to be self-sufficient and fill my time with things that make me better.
7. I know that my W hates where she is but she cannot help herself. It is a terrible place to be. The best I can do is to be gentle with her.
Through all this I hope I come out a better man. I hope she comes out a better woman. And if things go that way, I hope we come out as a better couple.
UD
The 3 laws of DBing:
1. PMA is critical to DBing.
2. Since drop in WAW's PMA leads to drop in LBS's PMA and vice-versa detachment is critical.
3. Validate to raise WAW's PMA and GAL to raise LBS's.
