Wow! What's with all the deep thinking. j/k. Interesting notions. Might explain some things but doesn't in any way address what to do about it. All these things are ways of saying that our ex's had stunted growth, deeply ingrained problems, low self-esteem, whatever and that's why we are pre-D or D.
But it still comes down to...are the changes in ourselves noticable and enduring enough to break down whatever the barrier is to successful reconciliation? Have we done the things that would allow love of us to overcome these barriers? Have we even done enough to help them come to love us again?
Don't get me wrong, I like the discussion. I just don't want to feel powerless in the face of something ingrained in our WAS. But the point is well taken. We are not able to make our ex-spouses/STB exs happy and complete. They have to find that in themselves before they will really be able to handle the kind of R that we all want. But the focus still has to be upon ourselves and the things we can control.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
j/k. Interesting notions. Might explain some things but doesn't in any way address what to do about it. All these things are ways of saying that our ex's had stunted growth, deeply ingrained problems, low self-esteem, whatever and that's why we are pre-D or D. 