My now ex-W had tons of guilt during this process. And the more she thought she was hurting me the more guilt she had. Mine also was initially pretty much "don't want anything except what I brought with me". She still hasn't taken all of that even. But I did make offers that were accepted over time like splitting the savings.
I'm sure after all this time that your wife has pretty much replaced all or most of the possessions anyway...so maybe I wouldn't push the issue. I would look for things that are hers and prepare to give them to her. I would suggest that you split the equity. You might have paid, but you were married so that doesn't count. You were the breadwinner at that time.
Will she turn you down on some of that? Probably. If she turns you down or uses the "too painful" excuse, I would use that opportunity to look her in the eyes and say "I'm not angry at you for this. Despite our disagreement on this issue I know you feel that D is the right thing for you. Don't feel guilty about it. I just want this to be fair." Or whatever UD words that you choose to use. It seems to me that your W needs to hear some words to assuage her guilt some. She shouldn't have to carry that around. Make sure she knows you forgive her. Just MHO
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
