The last two weeks have been completely crazy and illuminating in the most WTF-kind of way. I dont purport to understand it all but then that is just standard fare for this WAS crap I guess.
Week 1 - My PMA was sky-high. W was happy as she had returned from a successful conference. And she was flirting with me and there was a shrinkage of physical space and lots of accidental contact initiated entirely by her. Weekend was great, out in public together and lunch Saturday (scheduled time with D3) and dinner Sunday (initiated by her).
Week 2: Beginning of week D3 starts to act up - adjustment to next age-group at day care I think. W loses her PMA. I let mine down as D3 acts up and I lose cool with D3 on Wednesday. W comes over to pick up D3 and I am a little fatigued. W starts saying that D3 is acting up, must be daycare situation etc.....But W feels that I am blaming her for D3's behavior and she gets really down. I validate her, tell her she is a good mom etc. She calls the next morning and I continue to validate her. W is so down that she actually gets sick and starts throwing up etc. and is flat on her back for a day (has to be stress, she has had this happen multiple times to her in the past year). I have to work extra-hard to support her and validate her being a great mom to get her back to decent PMA. She appears to be back somewhat today and there has been some touching that did not lead to recoil and the physical space has shrunk somewhat also.
OK, the title of this post is because of this:
The WAW and the pain caused by it is the reason for our low PMA. But if we display low PMA the WAW gets even more down. It seems like we need to get out of this catch 22 situation by some really intense self-work and detachment in order to keep the sitch afloat! I am still working on that.
Therefore I am ready, based on empirical data, to propose three UD laws of DBing (physics fans may notice shades of Newton's laws?): Law 1. PMA on the part of the LBS is absolutely critical in DBing. Law 2. The rate of change of PMA of the LBS is inversely proportional to the PMA of the WAS. In turn, the rate of change of PMA of the WAS is inversely proportional to that of the LBS. (For people with a physics/math backrgound, you will easily recognize this law as leading to a negative spiral, i.e. if one person's PMA falls, the other's will as well and so on ad infinitum). Law 3. Since the WAW will constantly try to undermine the PMA of the LBS, due to Law 2, it is clear that the LBS must look for a constant source of PMA that is external to the LBS-WAW dynamic. I.e. action on the part of the LBS should not be an equal and opposite reaction to the WAW's drama.
OK, corollaries to the laws on Monday. Class dismissed. Sorry, guys, I am actually quite proud of those laws. Nevertheless, cyber-kicks into my geeky groin will be entertained.
UD
The 3 laws of DBing:
1. PMA is critical to DBing.
2. Since drop in WAW's PMA leads to drop in LBS's PMA and vice-versa detachment is critical.
3. Validate to raise WAW's PMA and GAL to raise LBS's.
