That is a very long process. I can't believe you have been separated several years without being D. I think that says at least something about where your W was at.
My whole situation is like yours but at light speed in comparison. My W's anger lasted a couple weeks. She moved out after one month, said she wanted to come back after 2 weeks, took it back, and divorced me in 5 short months from bomb. Yours is like molasses in comparison, but you are doing well with keeping your focus and being patient.
My current concern is that things seem like they are going better for you after she indicated she'd like to get a D. That's like mine. Reaching the decision to D seems almost like a trigger....like it's okay after that point to be your friend. If you know my situation, I always felt like I was making headway only to be informed of a new step on the stairway to D. So I guess I worry for you that this progress may be a step toward D, but a step towards an improved R as well. My R feels more meaningful than it has in several years...like we are better friends now than we maybe ever were. But it took a divorce to get that way. I didn't know how to keep the good R going while avoiding the D. I hope you find the way.
As your R improves I recommend you are careful about how much you let on that you are holding out hope. It sounds like you've already been reminded that having a R talk is not conducive to successful DBing.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
