Additional clarification. In my experience eah time I make a change it seems to take me MONTHS, not days or weeks to get up to the next level. My time-line has been:
Year 1 July '03-'04) - W was extremely angry. Did not want to do anything with me at all. I was a mess. No clue about DBing.
Year 2 -
July to October - gradual calming down of W. Anger seemed to be going away.
October to December- W reconnecting in several ways leading up to Xmas. Talking more to me about day-to-day stuff. Bought me Xmas gifts.
January - I initiated R talk. W admits she has issues of her own. This is nobody's fault.
February-May. Things are getting better. Almost no anger in W. I have been DBing. No touching yet but lots of time together.
End of May '05 - R talk. W says she does not know how to come back into the M and says she will file for D. I say, dont want this, but if that is what makes you happy then I cant stop you.
Since then- lots of physical"accidental contact" on the part of W, flirting type moves, invite to go to art fair, asked me if I wanted to go out for unscheduled dinner. She is much more upbeat. I have not received D papers yet and W seems more relaxed around me. I am keeping PMA up and being real cheerful around her. I am also doing my best to GAL and not pursuing at all. So I will have to wait a few months to see how this new phase plays out.
I am NEVER initiating an R talk again.
UD
The 3 laws of DBing:
1. PMA is critical to DBing.
2. Since drop in WAW's PMA leads to drop in LBS's PMA and vice-versa detachment is critical.
3. Validate to raise WAW's PMA and GAL to raise LBS's.
