Your emotions sound exactly like mine so I had to respond. I too wanted a divorce, just can't live with the pain. Then I thought, I don't want a divorce so what are my options? If I don't want a D then work on the M.
Someone told me that marriages go through many marriages, maybe as many as 7. Unexpected family member dying, financial troubles, etc. you get the picture. These things even though they can't compare with infidelity, will change the course of your marriage. The course doesn't have to be bad, it can be a positive change. It sounds like your H is willing to work it out, why not try? If you can't make a decision now, then don't. You are not in a race against time. He is still there with you so IMHO, he wants you to stay and he wants the M to work.
I relate so much to your story and I am so sorry that this happened to you. I know the pain but like I said, it has been only been a few months for me and I could not handle my emotions so I forgave. Get this, I even forgave the OW. I didn't want to and I don't feel like it, but I do it because it was the best thing for ME! Do this for yourself and you will be surprised the release you feel. Forgiving your H isn't for him, nor condoning his actions, it will enable YOU to heal.
I don't want to hijack your thread by talking about my situation. I just wanted to share with you some of the things that I've learned along the way in this journey and hope that it may help you.
