I have to tell you that it feels really good to just get some advice from someone, even if it's from a stranger. It's so outside my normal persona to harbor secrets. I am happy to just get some responses.
As to what caused this, I can't say yet. This was an act that falls WAY outside my character build. I do feel good that I am waiting to let all my feelings run their course before I make a decision. I am still very confused. I'm not naive enough to think it was just few beers. The nature of my job often puts me in a position where I could choose trouble if I wanted to. Up until last week, I have always been able to turn away from sordid affairs. You're both right, something else is happening and I need to figure it out. I do know this, I love this woman. I can't see anyone else being the mother of my kids, seriously.
It's been refreshing to hear you think a marriage can survive when such a secret exists. I have been in a state of panic thinking that things were, in all likelihood, over.
In retrospect to my initial post, I hope that I did not offend anyone by saying that I can't believe I'm here. I am certainly not perfect and am in no way sitting atop a high horse judging the souls that post on this site. Let's just say, some of the darker realities of the world just hit this young person in face. I am stunned, utterly.
As a final note Anna, thanks for the kind words, but I have to disagree. In no way should I be considered courageous. I am a desperate husband who made the biggest mistake of his life. I am here only by the mere consequence that I was unable to control myself. I really hate myself right now.
