KML has excellent advice. I can't add much, but wanted to tell you how courageous I think it is that you've joined this bulletin board. If my H had half your courage and compassion, well, he'd be living at home right now.
I would just reiterate what she said about telling your W just to alleviate your own guilt. That's putting the burden on her. Put the work into finding out what drove this, and ensuring that it never happens again.
Good luck with your journey. It's good to see that 'the other team' may not be as heartless as we feel like they can be.
