Trying to find our way to happiness II

[ValerieA]

Journaling:

Things are continuing to go well over here. A couple of not-so-good moments yesterday (my fault ), but we're ok.

Friday night, H went out with (mf) to another guy's house for a poker party. He wanted for me to be able to go, too, but we didn't have a sitter for all 3 boys -- my parents are on vacation in Ontario, and MIL was watching the baby but has a difficult time watching all 3 of them at once. H called and tried to talk MIL into taking S9 and S5, but I told him it was alright. I wasn't up for it, but I'd like for H to go and have a good time. He was very hesitant at first and said he didn't want to go without me. I told him again I was fine with it which I was, so he finally said alright.

H called me a few times while he was out and even told me his location during the first call, so if I wanted to stop by, I could. Now, I knew I wasn't going to go over there with 2 sleeping kids in tow and H probably knew that also , but I'm glad H gave me that bit of reassurance .

H got home around 1am, had a snack, then came to bed and held me .

Yesterday (Saturday), we went to S9's belt ceremony. S9 is officially a Blue-Advanced (Blue-black) belt now ! The ceremony took place at a local park. I should have checked the weather before we left the house because it was mighty chilly out! The sun was shining, but there was a very chilly wind to go with it. The boys were fine like their Dad. Plus, they were running around playing soccer with the other kids. I was sitting on the grass talking to some of the other parents. I was sitting in the sun, but I was still cold .

BTW, it was also H's 31st birthday. The boys and I sang "Happy Birthday" to him, and that was it. Nothing more per H's request.

Anyway, I can get a bit crabby when I'm too hot or too cold, and yesterday was definitely one of those times. After the students received their awards and new belts, the kids and H were off to play some more. Shortly after that, it was time to eat, so I called out to H and the boys. H came over to me and asked what I wanted. I said, "It's time to eat. I know the boys have got to be hungry, so let's eat so we can go please. I don't want to be here much longer because I'm cold." H kind of rolled his eyes and said, "Ok.....It's not like we go to the park that often." I looked at him, said nothing, and made my way over to the picnic line.

I realized that I let my crabbiness speak for me, but I didn't appreciate H's attitude either.

A few minutes later, H and the boys came up behind me in line. H poked my side, but I didn't respond (that's the stubborn side of me ), so he did it again and said, "I'm sorry, JV. Alright? I'm sorry." I told him alright, and that I was sorry, too.

We ate, chatted with S9's instructor for a bit, then we left to come home. H said he wanted to stop by (mf)'s for awhile, go to the gym after that, then take S9 and S5 to play mini-golf again. H invited me along , I told him I'd like that, but I had to call MIL first to see if she was willing to hold onto the baby for a few more hours.

H left, I called MIL, and she said that was fine.

H came back home a couple of hours later like he said he would. He watched a little TV to unwind, took a shower, came into the living room and lead me into the bedroom.... !

Afterwards, we went to play mini-golf. We all had a really fun time, and I even got two hole-in-ones ! The boys went out of their way with praising me .

While we were driving home, H ordered a pizza for dinner. We went to pick up the baby then I drove to the pizza place to bring the pizza home. When we got there, H got out to get it, I looked to my left and noticed a girl looking at my H. I mean really looking . I was thinking, "The nerve of this b****! I'm RIGHT HERE! Doesn't she see me looking at her?!" Then she saw me, turned away, and got into a car with the 2 guys she was with.

Yeah, it made me mad at first, then I thought to myself, "Who am I kidding? H IS a very good looking stud. I'd be crazy to think that other females don't look at him." H has told me (pre-bomb and post-bomb) about girls flirting with him, and when I'd look at him after telling me that stuff, he'd say, "What?! I know I'm a stud because you tell me I am."

Anyway, my insecurity was beginning to set in again . My eyes started getting watery, but I did manage not to cry. Besides, the boys were right there with me.

H came back with the food and was talking about something that had to do with the pizza lady, then he said, "What's wrong?" I said nothing. H said, "Well, you seem quiet...like you thought about or saw something that brought back certain memories. What happened?" I told H I didn't know what he was talking about ( ) and I was fine. H looked at me and said alright.

I didn't want to say anything to him about what I saw and how it made me feel. I just felt that wouldn't help anything right now.

We got home and ate. H said he had to go to (mf)'s house to get his glasses (for distance) because he forgot them there then he was going to rent a movie for us. H said he actually wanted to have some drinks... . He asked me how I felt about that, and I told him that I was ok with it ( ) as long as he had them at home. H said ok.

I put the kids to bed then H came home about 40 minutes later. We watched "Be Cool" (not very good IMO), and H only had 3 Mike's Hard Lemonades. I thought that wasn't too bad seeing how H is very capable of drinking more than a 6-pack of anything.

We went to bed after the movie and spooned. H mentioned a poker tournament that he wanted to go to this morning at a certain card room.

H got up this morning and got ready to go. He came over to me, gave me a hug and kiss, and asked if I really was alright with him going. I told him yes and good luck. H said thank you, gave me another hug and kiss then left.

Ok, the baby's up now so I gotta go. I hope everyone's having a nice weekend, and thanks for listening.

JV

"I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination."