H called me back just after 10am. I forgot that he has a problem with his phone -- it shuts itself off sometimes when he closes it. I think it's time for a new one, but knowing H, he'll wait until it's really junked.
H said he was sorry I couldn't get through to him but reminded me of the phone's problem. I said it was ok. I was just thinking about him and wanted to see if he was feeling better. H said, "I'm fine. Well...I'm not fine, but yeah, I'm fine." H said they were running late and he had to go. He said "ILY" and he'd talk to me later.
H called again while I was at my parents' house picking up S9 and left a lengthy message saying he wanted to tell me "ILY" and that he was thinking of me. H said he wants things to be better, and he can't tell me how much he wishes everything would just be normal again. He hopes that he can fix things, and no matter what happens, H wants me to know that he does love me. H asked me to call him when I got in so he could talk to the boys and wanted me to show the baby his picture everyday so he could always see Daddy. H said "ILY" about 4 times throughout his message.
I did call H back, but he didn't answer so I left him a message letting him know I got his. I told H "ILY", too, and I think we can get through this (I know -- don't TALK, just DO). I think H needed to hear some kind of reassurance from me that I am still here for him. I don't know -- maybe, maybe not. Anyway, the boys left a little message for him, too, but he hasn't called back yet. Hopefully business picked up for them.
I don't know what prompted me to remember this today because I had completely forgotten about it, but I recall a time (about 8 years ago; I don't remember if we were married yet but we did have S9 already) when some girl was calling H at work and/or paging him. I don't know how or when they met, but H assured me that she was only a friend.
I think I found out what the real truth was while I was visiting him at work. H was down the hall and asked me over the intercom to get something from his desk for him. I opened a drawer and got what he needed, but I also happened to notice a letter addressed to H that was sent to the store. It caught my eye because of the handwriting; it was obviously written by a female.
I took H what he asked for then went back into his office to snoop . I read the letter and my suspicions were confirmed. I believe H was having an EA with her. She also included a picture of herself with it (which I ripped up and threw away ). In the letter, she wrote how she thought of H all the time, and she often wondered what would've happened if things had gone further with them. She was involved with someone else, too, and had a baby with him then they moved to Los Angeles. She wrote that she missed H and that she hoped he could find happiness in his life with me ( ).
When I confronted H with the letter, he told me that she meant nothing to him (sounds familiar). They were just friends. I told him that she made it sound like it was a lot more than that. H said it was over with and that she wasn't even around anymore. I asked him why was she calling him and paging him then, he said he didn't know and he wouldn't talk to her ever again. He even told all the employees right in front of me that if she called for him again, they were to tell her he didn't work there anymore and not give out his new pager number either. That was the last I ever heard about her again.
(Sigh).....I wish I hadn't remembered that . It just seems to confirm my beliefs that H feels I ruined his life. It also makes me wonder if he's ever really been completely connected to me at all. There were the 2 times he cheated on me while we were dating (before I became pregnant), the EA about 8 years ago, and the recent EA.
With the exception of H's message earlier (I'm reminding myself they're just words and not actions), it's been an emotionally bad day.
H just called. He said they were busy but only made 7 deals, and one deal from yesterday changed their mind . Now H has to go door to door to generate more sales, and he is NOT looking forward to that at all.
He also said he was sorry for sounding so stupid on his message. I told H I didn't think he sounded that way. He said he just wasn't feeling too good and was feeling a bit nervous. It sounded like it might have been another one of his panic attacks coming on. I told H to try to take it easy and not worry so much about everything. H said he'd try and now they're going to (boss)'s house for a late barbecue. He said "ILY" again before we hung up.
Ok, I gotta get the kids ready for bed now. Thanks for listening.
JV
"I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination."
Valerie
"I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination." ~ author unknown
. I read the letter and my suspicions were confirmed. I believe H was having an EA with her. She also included a picture of herself with it 
(which I ripped up and threw away 
).
. It just seems to confirm my beliefs that H feels I ruined his life. It also makes me wonder if he's ever really been completely connected to me at all. There were the 2 times he cheated on me while we were dating (before I became pregnant), the EA about 8 years ago, and the recent EA.
