I understand and agree with both of you, cally and mollie. I feel like I am someplace in-between both views. I want my M to work, and I am willing to let H be who he is, but I also want my needs met -- the ones that "depend" on H to be fulfilled. Mainly, I want the love and consideration I feel H should have for me. Yes, I know he cares, but I feel like the majority of his actions show me no consideration, and that makes me question his true love for me. Does that make any sense?
I love my H, and I want to be with him, but even when I have told him how certain actions make me feel (the bad ones) and he continues to do them, I really begin to wonder why I'm even trying. Then I remind myself that H is also severely depressed and just can't think right, so how can I feel like giving up?
I also think about how H has told me in a roundabout way that I have ruined his life. I suppose he may have started feeling this way when I became pregnant with S9. I know it's all irrelevant now, but I feel like H has been harboring all this resentment for way too long (nearly 10 years), and what if he just can't ever let it go? I ask myself, "Do I want to live with that for the rest of my life if H can't forgive ME ?"
Ok, I was going to journal about yesterday, but H will be leaving for AZ later today and will be gone for 2 or 3 weeks, so I need to get busy on getting his things together for him since he asked me if I could. He should be on his way home right now from a service call.
I'll be back !
JV
"I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination."
Valerie
"I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination." ~ author unknown
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