Trying to find our way to happiness II

[ValerieA]

Hello, cally and molliew. Thanks again for your visits!

I never asked H why he just HAD to go to Old Navy. I have to agree with mollie on this one. Asking H why he did that or asking him how he would feel if I was the one doing this wouldn't get me any closer to my goals. BTW, mollie, H never told me he went -- I found out about it on my own when doing the laundry and noticing the new shirts from there. H said he was with (bf) at the time, and even though I like (bf), I don't trust him. If H was doing something he shouldn't be doing and (bf) knew about it, even though he has told H he envies what he has at home, I don't think (bf) would try to stop H or tell me anything.

When H said, "Whatever you decide to do, I'll do it," I think he was being sincere. His voice suggested to me that H was a bit afraid of what I might say. I'm not even really sure myself what I want to do so that's why I said nothing. I just know that I want to be taken seriously by H. I don't want to have to deliver an ultimatum because then I'm afraid I might not be ready to back it up just yet.

mollie, you're right about this friggin' rollercoaster! I am so nauseus !

Also, I DO need to be careful about not repeating the bad things myself -- the "old JV" habits of acting like I don't care if H seems to not care either. I DO NOT want to be "her" again .

... Maybe he needs to wonder a little about you. What was it about you that attracted him in the first place? Can you work on that? Do you want to be that person?

Honestly, I don't know what specifically caught his eye. We met through mutual friends while going to a party one night. H said he was instantly attracted to me but never said specifically why (hmmm...my looks???). I, on the other hand, WAS NOT attracted to H at all ! He just wasn't my "type". I went for the clean-cut, all-American type of guys, and my H was far from that ! I could go on and on, but I won't ! I was looking the other way all the time, but H kept on pursuing. He NEVER gave up !

I guess it had to be us spending a LOT of time together doing things we both enjoyed back then. H has lost interest in doing those things and only seems to like gambling now. It's fun on occasion, but I don't enjoy doing it all the time when we have free time to ourselves. I have asked H for us to do other things, but we still always end up doing whatever will make him happy. If "moody H" saw me typing this, he would probably say, "Well we've done it YOUR way for the past 11 years!"......I always thought I was doing it OUR way, but......oh well. H never said anything.

Thanks again for your support and advice, ladies! I've got to go and tend to the kids now.

BTW, H just called and tonight is the final night the circus is in town. He talked about this yesterday and said he wanted to take the boys. He didn't ask if I wanted to go , but oh well. I let it go. But H DID just now ask me and he apologized for not asking me yesterday! How nice ! We're going to the circus!

Thanks for listening.

JV

"I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination."