JV I am sorry he is being such a butt head. Here is a cyber ((((((Hug)))))) for you. I can honestly say I know how you are feeling right now. I know the thought of being single can be scary. He has done a lot to damper your self esteem and everything else. But things can be better for you if this is the path you chose. For one maybe this will be the straw that breaks your husband and gets him to change. I would stay consistent with what you have told him. Any break in it he will just take that you can't be consistent with anything you say. Like he may try to worm his way back in and say let's have . Or this may be the last time we will ever get to so can we before I go. For now I would try to be consistent and simply say I am sorry but I would rather not.
Or if your husband doesn't change and you find yourself single there is a big chance you can find happiness with someone a lot more compatible. Just hang onto that anything is possible. When I seperated from my ex husband I was a single mother of two children. I met my current husband shortly after being seperated. He was wonderful and absolutely loved my children. He has accepted them as his own children. We have been together almost 13 years and married almost 11. We have our share of little problems, lol that is why I am here on the board. But all in all I am so much happier. I laugh a lot and smile a lot more. My self esteem is much higher. We had two more children together. My husband idea of a perfect day is taking the kiddos to an amusement park and he lets loose and has as much fun as the kid's. It such a change from the man who once would rather be someplace else so crabbily ruined our day. I guess I post this to let you know happiness can happen for you if this don't work out.

If you are going to seperate I would wait on selling the house or doing anything until you seek legal advice. Yiur are the mother of his three children. It seems only fair you stay in the house until it sells. I think any judge would see it that way also. But I would seek legal advice. Probably the easiest way I could think to handle this would be to if it was possible to maybe get up before him in the morning that is of he comes home tonight and write him a letter asking if he could please pack up his things and be out before you get home at xxx.( just think of a time) That way you can be consistent in asking this of him and won't be there for him to spew any of his ill behavior on you.

I wish you the best of luck JV. You will be in my prayers.