Sage....I understand you could think truce trigger. BUT what about if this person uses as a way to manipulate a situation. I guess I say this because ....

He never changes. He doesn't try to even do the small compromise he agreed to do. He made love to you and sounds like he is back to drinking today. He is back to being out all day. He is out doing whatever it is he is wanting to do. Meanwhile your at home exactly where he wants you to be.

I am sorry but his trip to the Gap is waaaaaay to hurtful. To go to the store when he knows that you know that is where she works. Then wasn't just about a month ago you wanted to go to the mall with him and he said no. he can't even stop at a mall to get you a small token of a gift but can go to the mall and go on a shopping spree for himself in the very store the girl works that he had an affair with. JV I am sorry I am not trying to be all negative. I just feel so bad for you. I was in a marriage like yours before. I guess that is why I felt so compelled to post to you. I can see many of the same behaviors in your husband that my ex had. I can see it has brought you down. I can see how you just go along because your tired of the fight or the grumpy behavior. It's like you want to do anything to make them happy. Just so you can have a peaceful day. You know what the scary part for me is when I finally made the choice to get seperated with my ex and he told me he was manipulating me because he knew he could during the marriage. It was scary because I never knew a person could be that cold.

maybe he said.........
Quote:

H also said, "I don't think you truly get what's happened. I don't think you really understand what I did because you're still with me. You really don't get it.".... What could he mean by this? Yes, of course, I understand that he had an A, but I chose not to give up on us. Is THAT what H doesn't understand? Does he have some preconceived notion that an A should automatically equal a D?



Maybe he had a physical affair. He just to cowardly to admit it. This statement has to mean something. Did you ask him what he meant by it. I am sure he does feel guilty and horrible. Because I ask you this...what would your husband do if the shoe was on the other foot? Could he forgive you?

Him comparing himself to everyone else and what they have to me is just another sign of depression. I don't think your husband is capable of change without professional help. From and outsider looking you can just see he is up and down and high and low. He is all over the place. Has he always been this way since you were married?