H just got home about an hour and a half ago. I'm bothered by this seeing that he called me at 8pm and said he would be here in 2 hours but instead got here 3 hours later. And what's even more unnerving is that when he got here, the first thing he did was take off his shirt which I noticed had dead blades of grass all over the backside. Like he had been laying on the ground somewhere. I asked H why was his shirt dirty, he looked at it and said, "I don't know. It must be from my car."
......So......you're telling me your Jaguar that you're so very proud of getting and just had completely detailed inside and out before you left on Saturday, H, has dead grass stuck on the leather interior? Hmmm.....I think I'd ask for my money back and never go to that car wash again. What a rip-off.
You know what I think? I think H got into town sooner or maybe in 2 hours just like he said but didn't come straight home. I think H might have had a drink or two -- I can't say for sure since I didn't smell his breath (yep -- no kiss hello or anything tonight), but I sensed H was "moody" about something when he got here.
Although I had this sense, I still approached him with a great big smile and a pat on the butt (we do that sometimes), but I got nothing. Not even a smile. I looked at him for a moment still with a smile on my face, he said what, and I said again, "Hi!" (I said this in a way to convey to H, "Hi. I'm right HERE, you know? Why don't you give me a hug or something, ok?"). H "moodily" said hi back.
By then I knew I wasn't going to get what I wanted (a hug and maybe a little kiss), so I walked away. H was quiet for a moment then said, "Wait. If you wanted a hug, I'll give you one. Come back." I felt like saying, "If I have to come right out and ask for it then I don't want it because that's when I get the emptiest hugs imaginable. So no thank you." But, of course, I didn't. I told H never mind. I knew he was tired from his long drive (and probably from whatever else he may have been up to ) so it was alright.
We stayed up for about 20 minutes or so (well -- H did ) after he got here. No conversation or anything. Just the TV on with nothing to watch. So then H asked me to go to bed with him. I got an arm rub and a small peck on the same spot for a "good night".
H asked me to put my hand on his back, and he fell asleep within 5 minutes. I just laid there looking up at the ceiling.....then I remembered how H told me he did this all the time pre-A, during the A, and still sometimes now. He would look at the ceiling while in bed and think, "I do not want to be here."......I found myself thinking the same thing tonight.
Tomorrow is another day. I'm going to try to go to sleep again.
Thanks for listening.
JV
"I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination."
Valerie
"I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination." ~ author unknown
.
) after he got here. No conversation or anything. Just the TV on with nothing to watch. So then H asked me to go to bed with him. I got an arm rub and a small peck on the same spot for a "good night".
