Sounds like we're all giving you tough love. I, for one, don't want to see you fail. Watching you through the really tough times was very hard. I know BeingME and I just wanted to do all we could to turn things around for you. But you did it yourself and it was great. Now here you are sabotaging your own success. Nicole6 has said what I was trying to say last night in a much more accurate manner. There are going to be things that will bring back bad memories, let them go, don't go back down that self destructive road. You know as well as I there are many here that would love to be where you are at in your R right now. If your H feels that you will not forgive (let him forget) and move on, then maybe he will give up on your R. That puts you right back at square one. Don't do this to yourself!
May I suggest making the anniverary outing the best time together. I mean the best time ever, like you were when you were first in love (or newly married). Break out the super vixen. There is no more appropriate time to celebrate your anniverary than this one, the first one after such a rebuiding year. If you make it such a memorable event, I suspect the other gift you wanted might just follow as a "thinking of you" gift.
