Bad Day

[Freckle6]

Crushed:

I just spent last night and this morning reading over your past threads because this sentence caught my eye

what he always wanted (great sex life and lots of affection).

That is what has gotten my H and I to this point. You got a lot of great advice, especially early on from AJ. I copied and pasted a lot of things into Word so I can read and reread them.

I've been feeling stuck in my own situation because I haven't been able to figure out how to address my H's issues. But duh! I need to do what he's wanted all along and get over the fear of rejection. I'd love to pick your brain a bit. Mainly, do you think that you becoming more sexual and aggressive with it is what turned your situation around?

Over the weekend I saw that the Cirque Du Soleil is coming to our area and I mentioned that I wanted to see it. He decided that that's going to be my anniversary gift...nice and dandy but I was hoping for something JUST FOR ME!

I don't want to hijack your thread without offering some advice. Your H took notice of something that you mentioned you'd like to do and wants to do it with you as a gift to you. Chances are it's not something that is top on his list of interests, am I right? Take the "gift" for what it is--him wanting to do something for you that you'll enjoy. It sounds like he is doing this out of love so take it with love.

It may not be what you had in mind as a gift, but the best gifts are the ones that the other person put some thought into in regards to the recipient. Not something that you've handpicked yourself. If you want new clothes, go buy them yourself! What will you remember in the years to come? Some clothes that are out of style and have been shoved into the back of the closet or donated to the Salvation Army? Or the memory of the night your H took you to see Cirque because YOU wanted to see it?

As far as the receipt. Hard to do, but forget about it. Dwelling on it will not further your goal of having a happy marriage will it? Whatever happened with the OW is in the past and was before he suddenly stopped the D because he wanted to stay married to YOU.

About the cooking/cleaning issues, can you afford a maid once a week or so? People have different priorities and different opinions on what is "clean". It's evidently higher on your priority list than your H's. You work and your H works so your free time is limited. If it will take the stress off of you and your R to have some extra help with the mundane chores, consider the $$$ well spent and the time saved as a bonus for you and your H.

Good luck. You've done amazing work on yourself and I have a great respect for how far you've come.