I know how you feel about moving on, etc. I question myself and what I'm doing all of the time. I think it's only human to feel that way.
Maybe that's where letting go of all expectations begins to develop. When you're able to be indifferent to whether you ever reconcile, yet are still able to be unconditionally loving to your ex, and also, ultimately confident in yourself.
I don't know if this will cheer you up, but I'm going to share something somebody told me this past weekend.
I was talking w/ a friend's W and she related to me that she was a WAW. And you know what? She confided in me that she should never have left her first husband. She went on about what a good man he was and handsome, etc. She confided to me that she had personal problems that she wasn't dealing with that were the core behind why she wanted out. Anyway, I could just picture all of the DB posts I've read scrolling down my eyelids as I listened to her.
Here's the take home message. She said that she and her ex had a long talk in the gararge one time after she remarried (her 2nd of 3 and to an alcoholic) and that they both cried and talked about what a mistake it was for them to divorce. This all came after she hit bottom and worked out her problems. But, it was too late her 1st H had moved on and wouldn't end his new M even though he wasn't happy. Whatever is bothering our WAS's, they have to work through before they will return. The key is PATIENCE. How many times have you heard that?
Interestingly enough, she told me this happened about 3-4 yrs. after the D. Pay attention. This friend's brother asked me about my S/D later in the weekend. He went on to tell me about his S w/ his W (he left). Anyway, he said that they got back together in about 3-4 yrs. Are you still w/ me? His advice to me was to be nice to my W and stay active w/ the K's. Now, how long do they say it takes for a WAS to get through their MLC or whatever you want to call it? About 3-4 yrs. post D. And how long do they say it takes the LBS to get over the end of the R? 3-4 yrs. I'm starting to notice a pattern here.
I think it all depends on how you treat the WAS during this time period that will dictate what measure of success you will have. That's what the MLC DBers write as well. You may even have an R in the mean time, but it's how you treat you're WAS that will determine if there is a chance once they get through what they are going through.
Just thought I'd share, b/c it was very uplifting for me when I was told all of this by two different WA's.
The WAW also told me that if I thought my family and my spouse were worth saving, I should wait it out. Right now I have plenty to keep me busy for that long.
