Not much to update. Something feels different yesterday and today. Maybe it's just all in my head. That's mainly the difference. I am struggling to detach. She has been in my head far too much. And it just feels as though she is colder. Maybe she is still mad at me for this weekend. The few conversations we've had felt strained and like she had something to say but wouldn't say it.
Only contacts: She called yesterday to remind me of a dental appointment. I said thanks for reminding me and that was essentially it.
I went blading with the dog. He was being such a weenie I thought I'd see if she'd watch him a minute while I skated (she lives across the street from the path). She was just sitting outside, but I didn't end up asking her. Just talked a minute and continued on. Yes, I know...the stopping by was another pursuit. And after I said I wouldn't do it anymore.
I also called later to ask about ex s-son's b-day. He's going to be gone over his birthday so I didn't know if she was going to celebrate this week or when he got back. If this week I'd need to get a present. Again...fairly short convo and strained.
I'm thinking and analyzing too much. And thinking about our R too much. I did read the post-D thread posted by JJ. While some of my sitch sounds like that, I think his ex initiated far more even though she didn't allow physical stuff as much as mine does. The difference that I see is that they were bringing a complete family together. I believe that if it was just our kids we shared that we might not have even reached a divorce. I also noted that in the success story (I presume) that he never seemed to turn down his ex's offers for dinner, etc and like me he wondered when she was going to move to the next stage. But it sounds like he applied less pressure. I'm trying to learn something from this. I hope I'm not learning that it takes three years to get back together. I guess patience without pressure is probably what I should learn.
Okay, I'm rambling. Just shows how messed up my head is at the moment. So the last thing....all this pursuit by me has got to have my ex thinking that she's the sh*t. I've got to at least turn the table part way. I need to make sure I actively pursue getting a life so she knows my world doesn't revolve around her. Enough of this rambling nonsense. I hope all of you are doing well.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
