The saga continues..never going to the dark side

[Just_Me]

You are right Dogma. But it doesn't matter anymore. Some fears were confirmed and I really don't think I have a snowballs chance in hell.

No negative interactions today, but I know when I've had it.

Ex and her kids came over this morning and gave me a father's day present. That was nice. Then no more interactions today. She called once but I didn't know what about then nothing.

Here's the problem. I read an e-mail she sent to a friend. It hurts. I've tried for so many months. My kids have tried like I asked them. They roughhouse with him some, but I've tried to be a decent referee. But I guess not enough and too little too late. It's okay. Here's the e-mail.

I was just a little nervous about my son going because I had my kids see a child psychologist about a week ago because they had been complaining, particularly Sean, about how their step brothers belittled them and were generally agressive with them, swore at them, stuff like that. My ex was also guilty of belittling my kids so it only makes sense that his kids would follow suit. monkey see/monkey do. Anyway, that's a big reason we're not together anymore. The counselor talked with me with them and then them alone and she basically told me that Sean feels unsafe being with them and it also seems since the divorce, they take a little bit more out on him. I was really surprised that Sean wanted to go to Chicago because of all of that and it also made me sad because it's him trying to fit in with them like an acceptance thing

I think this sums up that it doesn't matter how she possibly feels about me she will always feel either my kids or I are the bad guys. I wouldn't exactly call what I did belittling, but if that's the perception then that is how I need to treat it. I want things to work but I don't know how. Guess I need to take UDs advice. Either that or give up.

I'm seriously considering the latter. Because what I see down that road is that I'm not allowed to be a father figure but someone that walks on eggshells. I blew it and I should just accept that I can't repair the damage.

I'd like to take a week or two to start truly getting the feel of how things are on my own. Or I guess with me and my apparently beastly kids.

The impossible thing is that my kids are not beastly. With the exception of rough play they have treated both of her kids better than other kids. These are children that have no (I mean none) friends. I've got to think.