The saga continues..never going to the dark side

[Just_Me]

Good morning all,

Better make this snappy since I got up late this morning.

First, discussing a R with ex-W isn't worth having with anyone but the people on this board. Friends and family actually don't understand how strong this process makes a person. For example I heard this morning..."you can't go on hoping that something will come of your R you'll just kill yourself." Or was it "it's not healthy". Whatever. That's the expected response. Us DBers with our heads in the sand really don't care to hear it though.

Okay...updates. No contact after W returned my e-mail until around 3 or 4. She called and asked if I was mad at her. Then asked a favor...could I watch the kids while she went to the gym. Later she felt guilty about that and said she didn't want me to feel used. I told her that I wanted the opportunity to see the kids.

Due to some stuff with my 1st ex-w and my kids along with the anniversary and stuff I guess I was out of sorts. When I went to get the kids I avoided anything that would even give the impression I wanted a hug. Same behavior when she came to pick them up along with being a little more aloof. She picked up on it and asked what was wrong. I could tell she wanted to hug and maybe hang out. I told her "nothing was wrong" but I wanted very badly to get away. I tried to give the ring back in an envelope saying "it's not mine." but she just said "keep it". She actually left fairly upset/angry. I just didn't want to deal with her last night.

I did call her to apologize and tell her that my attitude was not solely about her or our anniversary. She was pretty sweet asking if I wanted to talk about it. She actually sounded concerned. I told her no then spent until 1:00 am playing cards. That was fun, but I didn't get the stuff I wanted to do done.

So anyway...this morning...4:30 am she calls. I can't believe she called that early. But she said she couldn't sleep and she wanted to know what was the matter. I gave her a rundown and said it was just a combination of things and I fine...sorry if I was snotty. She was clearly concerned. She also asked if it was okay if she came over and mowed the lawn today (duh...of course not j/k)

I'm beat. Not much sleep. So I'm struggling to even think about this. I do know that the early morning call was more the behavior I remember. Before when we argued, etc, it didn't matter to her what time it was things had to get resolved. If I cut off a conversation short or hung up 50 times she'd call 51. Maybe it's a good sign, but I'm too beat to appreciate it.

Well ta ta for now. Have a nice Thursday everyone.