This is one statement I see surface time and time again throughout these conversations, arguments, the "alien" behavior theory. I disagree. I believe these are the people we married, but overlooked or dealt with many of their "now" negative behvaiors.
Quote: Seriously what does she bring to the table? Why am I so interested in this pursuit? Is it just because I can't have her?
You, I suspect, like many of us, want another chance. A chance to be the better partner we now know we can be. An opportunity to atone for the mistakes you know you made and hopefully to work through issues that plagued the past. And you have been given some chances to do so. But right now, our relationship failure rate is 100% and frankly we would like to get one right.
I thought I would always be married to her. We spent a fair amount of our lives together, there are children and there was family and I took my belief in marriage and our vows seriously, as everyone here does. And we are hurt and disappointed they gave up and quit.
We know we contributed to this situation and would like an opportunity to make amends. Would there have to be SIGNIFICANT changes in the relationship and their behavior? Absolutely. Is this likely to happen? The intial feeling is, no.
A comment on your earlier behaviors, which I'm beginning to see led you here.
You pursed the R talk and of course, it did not go the way you played it out in your own mind countless times. Then you were angry and frustrated and hurt. Said you were not going to chase, pursue, intiate ANYMORE. Then within hours, you are calling, inviting, going by, asking her how this and that is?
You either ignored yourself or I think you reached the point where right now you don't completely care if she comes back fully into the R. The pursuit at this point is more enjoyable than the outcome.
