Well I did it. I had a R talk. Why I don't know. I pursued. Asked if she wanted to go skating and then did all the things I was proud of myself for not doing. We had a R talk and now she knows how I feel about her. And now I know how she feels too. She'd rather have a life of uncertainty--no full time job, no house, no friends...than be with me.
But what am I doing? I'm divorced and she wants to stay that way. We'll hever be together again. I just didn't want to buy into that, but I think now I do. My heart tells me that I finally know it's over which is why it's breaking.
I don't want to hang out with her anymore. I don't feel like contacting her. I just want to get over her and have the pain end. I wanted her in my life too much. I need to accept that she isn't going to be. Not like this. If it happens it happens but I can't keep chasing after it like an imbecile. I've got to completely let go and move on.
I did start on my book again. But I need some out of the house stuff to occupy my time. There is always lots of work to do around here, but housework sucks. I don't want to type anymore. I'm getting off this rollercoaster while it's at this low point.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
