The saga continues..never going to the dark side

[Just_Me]

Wow,

Differing perspectives. It makes it hard to know what is right. We are still trying to analyze motives.

Actually she didn't want me to mow her lawn...she came by and mowed MY lawn. Big difference.

This is my feeling on the issue of what our ex's want (or at least mine) and how we deal with them. I could be completely off base. My ex-W in her head believes that she doesn't want anything more than a friend to do things with occasionally. She enjoys being around me as long as there isn't too much pressure. But it is for her own gratification. My wants don't come into it. She feels guilty for how things shook out. But I truly believe that she has went over the reasons she left and sees the whole marriage thing as completely unworkable. Plus she doesn't feel "in love". It is essentially no different than when she walked away.

BUT (big but here), I agree with Jo. Friendship is the start. She wants me in her life under her own terms. I want her in my life under mine. Isn't that how it is with most relationships? Especially in the beginning? We initially want someone to go to movies with, make-out with, have sex with, go to dinner with, etc. We use the other person for companionship. Initially and maybe for months or years we like the person but may not be in love. We are willing to ditch the relationship in the early going if it looks too complicated. I want this friendship, even if that's all my ex-W wants, because the basis of a good relationship and marriage is friendship. My thought is that eventually love will grow from that. She won't be able to help herself.

That being said I do realize that I do need to be more like her-satisfied with the times we are together and willing to only be friends. The rest of the time I need to immerse myself in my own thing so that I don't need her. That's where my future goals lie, completely in the arena of getting a life.

Wes