Nothing really new here. Minimal contact yesterday (I relayed a message on the answering machine to her and told her how I accidentally locked the cat in my dresser). None today.
As you might have seen from my posts on other threads I've been thinking about "the dark", etc. I never have gone dark. It's always been gray at the most. If she doesn't contact me then I contact her. But I've been considering how things are with my ex wondering whether or not it is worth experimenting with darkness. How long have I ever gone? Not real long. Who does more of the calling? Me. When she calls it's often because she has a real reason....sometimes to ask to a meal. Who initiates e-mail or IM? Me (almost exclusively). I know she enjoys doing stuff with me and we have good conversations when together, but if she really wanted to be around me she would show me more often. Wouldn't she? She would e-mail, IM, or call me. Plus, we're divorced. There is a good chance we'll never be together again. I should get used to no contact for weeks and months (?years) at a time. So while our time together has been pleasant, I'm not positive I'm headed in the right direction.
So while I may badmouth going dark...it's only because it isn't for everyone and should be used as just another way to experiment and monitor results. I've gone largely dark yesterday and now today.....I want to continue it until she makes more of an effort. Maybe going dark will prove to me that she won't miss me. That she really doesn't care one way or the other whether we do things together. So it will be the experiment to see how long going dark is possible. I will not be the one to initiate (for however long it takes) unless I absolutely have to. Wish me luck. I suck at this part.
Anyone familiar with my situation have any opinions? Should I give a trial of going dark? Or by initiating have there been enough positives that I should continue "doing what works"? Have I actually been doing what works or is she just humoring me? Using me?
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
