As I see it, more of the posters on this BB are HD and it's the HD spouses who feel more of the anger and resentment all the time. They are struggling with this unresolved desire (which is probably why they are so motivated to post). We LD spouses are sometimes blissfully unaware of what's happening until our HD spouse explodes with frustration. THEN the LD spouse may react defensively ("all you're interested in is sex", "why don't you pay attention to my other needs?", "if you were more thoughtful/helpful/empathic etc THEN I'd be more turned on") etc.
Although I think the "just do it" theory is helpful and there's some merit to the theory that, for some, desire follows arousal (often true for me - "Yes!" I said when I read about the engraved bracelet or tatoo "I love Sex!") I am determined to get more in touch with my own sexuality. Yes, I want to meet my H's needs and what's good for my H is good for the R. But I'm also determined to see that it's good for me too. I think that thinking selfishly will be most helpful in the long run.
I am enjoying PM, but it's slow going.
Doglover
Quote: DL... I admire the way you are working to improve your SL by making it a priority and tuning into your H, as well as paying attention to your own sexuality. You don't seem to have as much of the anger and resentment many of us on the board have struggled with.
I think you'll find PM an interesting read...I love his optimism and his statements about intimacy developing in middle age with maturity.
Congrats on your nice weekend...hope H feels better soon!
IHJ
There are many wise, empathetic and funny people here: you are my buddies - I'm grateful for your support.
