Quote: ...I had envisioned getting some work (related to my job) done; H had apparently envisioned a sexual interlude. I thought - but didn't say - we could do both if only I got an hour of work done first. H (who is HD but has some ED) ultimately said it was too late...
Very hard for me to figure out how to balance everything I need and want to do.
Dear DL,
I have a theory that's probably wrong, but here goes anyway:
Your behavior in this sitch seems like procrastination. You two basically had a date. How important, really, was getting an hour of work done? I imagine that when the hour arrived for your "date" - your moment of truth - that you might have been dealing with some pretty uncomfortable feelings. When you knew your H was expecting sex, how did you feel about it? Nervous, scared, afraid, anything negative like that? I wouldn't be surprised if you plunged into work as a way of avoiding these scary feelings.
I think it's really important that you get in touch with any kind of negative feelings that you might be having in anticipation of sex. It must be hard to enjoy it if the thought of it is scaring the daylights out of you. It's a good idea for you to talk to H about your feelings, too. Not as a way of making excuses, but of shedding light on your feelings and trying not to let them rule your actions in the future. Tell him that you are sorry you let these feelings take over and that you'll try to get in a better frame of mind next time. Oh, and make sure "next time" is really soon .
Of course, I could be wrong about the whole "procrastinating to avoid dealing with uncomfortable feelings" angle. If I'm wrong, well, Never Mind.
Keep it up DL, we're all rooting for you!
SM
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." Henry David Thoreau
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