My W did not want to D for so long because she was not sure that that is what she wanted. In fact, I think she is still not sure but is going to go ahead and do it because she does not know how to get back in the relationship. That is what she told me last week when she asked for D.
Regarding dinners etc it was designed putatively for mitigating the pain for our D3 but I have a feeling it also gave a soft cushion for her to exit the R (?). In retrospect I dont know if this was such a good move. I was constantly in her face and although the separation gave her space and although I did my best to do my own thing and be independent i did slip up and pose tangential R-talk type questions on occasion and there just wasnt a totally pressure-free situation for her. In a way, I think that the D will actually force a situation where she feels freer than before (less pressure?) and may actually turn things in a favorable direction? I dont know.....Any thoughts are appreciated. I know that this has been the case with Gabriel, but in my case my W and I were actually on pretty decent terms through all this. Couple weeks ago she was actually sitting close to me and touching (accidental and not so accidental) was not causing an dang-electric-shock-recoil type response. But the 2-year separation thing was sufficient to swing the pendulum all the way to the other side.
So, I dont know if darkness is good or bad. I dont think there is a formula here.
I have a question that I would like you experienced people to weigh in on:
She has mentioned the need for a divorce. I am trying to see if there is any way I can stall it. Should I try to stall it? She is in a period of great work stress right now and coul I use that as an excuse. Something like: "I know you are in a great deal of work stress now. I also know that you are mulling over the issue of a divorce etc. I just want you to know that I dont want a divorce but I would go along with it if it makes you happy. We are already separated anyway and divorce is only a formality at this point. But it is going to take a lot of time and energy away from you at this point so why not just wait?" Or is that controlling and should I just let it happen? BTW, she has been quick to ire in the last couple of days. I think she will go through with the D just to preserve her pride.
All inputs appreciated. Thanks.
UD
The 3 laws of DBing:
1. PMA is critical to DBing.
2. Since drop in WAW's PMA leads to drop in LBS's PMA and vice-versa detachment is critical.
3. Validate to raise WAW's PMA and GAL to raise LBS's.
