Welcome to hell, though your hell has been enduringly long.
First, and this you have no doubt read ad infinitum, DO NOT make changes for her. Make changes for yourself and your life and the aspects you want to improve on. And you recognize many of the areas you wish to alter.
Two, there are no guarantees, as many here can attest to. You may save your R and your M, and you may not, but improving your life will benefit you in other areas.
One of the common themes expressed throughout these forums is that the spouse has changed. It is my contention, the WAS is the same person we knew and married and overlooked or worked through any issues we had with their emotions, beliefs, etc.
It took a series of unfortunate events for their behavior and actions to overwhelm us and fimally for us to decide to be proactive, instead of defensive and reactive.
Hang in and as you are aware, you will receive many helpful insights, observations and suggestions.
