Quote: I am beginning to think that both of us living separately for a while would be the healthiest option for me.
Hi Rob,
That's such a tough question. I know that I gave my H an ultimatum and he chose the door. Now it's been 6 weeks that my children are without their Daddy, and I miss him desperately. For the first chunk of time I wished I could take it back and have him come home, no questions asked.
Then things changed. I've started making choices for myself and rediscovering my true self. I am having a lot of fun that I know I wouldn't have if I was sitting on the couch with H, comforted by his physical presence, but tormented by his emotional absence. I doubt I could have come this far with him around. You may have surmised from my posts that I tend to go into a self-doubt tailspin when he comes around. When I limit contact, I indulge my true self a lot more. I now think that this S is really helping me, and I don't know that I'd take him back right now, until there are a lot more changes. I'm actually having a blast and making the most of this vacation.
So I guess, like everything else, you have to ask yourself what a separation would give you. Do you want it to get her attention? Proof of her ambivalence? For revenge? To prove to her that her life is worse without you? These aren't the best reasons. But if you just feel like you are more at ease and better able to work on yourself with some physical distance, and it will ease your anxiety to be away from her for awhile, then you may chose to do this for yourself, and your personal growth (ugh - I cannot believe I just used the term 'personal growth'. Stop me before I say 'inner child'!!) Take a long time to examine your motives. Separation makes it all too real and may be a step on a path you don't want to travel.
