Just Married Last Year and W Wants To Call It Off

[Rob904]

Hi everyone. I'm new to this forum, but am hopeful that I can receive any supporting thoughts or suggestions to my current dilemma. Here is my situation:

My W and I married on Jan. 3rd, 2004. At the time, my wife and I were madly in love. Just recently, about 4 months ago things started to change. We didn't talk to each other nearly as much anymore, and we started to act more like room mates than soul mates at that point. My wife spent more time online, and found a political forum that she found interest in. I was unaware of an internet affair she was having these past 3-4 months until just recently.

Last week, she was on a trip to New York to try out for an audition in a play (she wants to go into acting) and to visit some of her "friends" that she met online from the forum that live in the area. While she was on vacation, I received a post card in the mail addressed to my wife from a man she had never mentioned. In the post card were the statements "missing you now", and "thinking of you always". I was devastated.

When my wife returned from NY, I confronted her about the man. My wife confessed to having a flirtatious relationship with this person. She said it wasn't intimate, but that she thought she might have feelings developing for this person. She then questioned our marriage, and said she wanted to call it quits. I asked her why, and she said that it had nothing to do with "him". She said that for the longest time she had felt empty inside, and we slowly drifted apart. She said she can no longer have feelings for me the way she used to because it's basically too little too late from her perspective.

I was frantic at this point. At first, I begged and pleaded for her to reconsider working things out. She said that it's too late at this point. It was only after pleading with her did I stumble upon Michele's web site. I picked up a copy of her book, and tried to apply the principles as best as I could. Just to reiterate my current state of affairs, my wife wants out of the marriage, she is still in contact with this OM, and we both still live together. Currently, I am trying to employ the LRT method to the best of my ability. This is where I am desperately in need of suggestions:

My wife is still in contact with this OM. My wife is asking me if she should leave the house, since she knows that this is hurting me. I don't want her to leave, but at the same time, it hurts to have her around when she is still in contact with this OM. In addition, she is still adamant of the fact that ending this marriage is the only solution. She says she needs time to do some "soul searching". Basically she said that, at this point, she is in a state of utter mess. She acknowledges what went wrong in our relationship, but is convinced that she needs to make herself happy before she can think of making anyone else happy in a marriage. The scary thing is, is that she says this with great clarity of mind, not in a panicked state of delusion. I so want to desperately save our marriage, but I'm not sure as to how to tackle this anymore. Any suggestions are greatly appreciated.