Sorry to hear about your downturn in the roller-coaster. Jeez, you have been through the emotional and physical pain wringer lately and I am sure it is getting to you. I can only offer my hope that things start looking up for you.
UD
The 3 laws of DBing:
1. PMA is critical to DBing.
2. Since drop in WAW's PMA leads to drop in LBS's PMA and vice-versa detachment is critical.
3. Validate to raise WAW's PMA and GAL to raise LBS's.
I know. I do agree with what you're doing, I do. I even encouraged you to do it. If it was just mental illness, that is one thing, but what with the drugs and then not feeding them, that is another thing.
When I was very severely depressed, I admit I let the house go, but I didn't do drugs, associate with criminals or neglect my kids.
I always made sure they were fed, clean, watered etc even if I didn't feed myself. At my worst times, I asked my best friend to help.
When DD4 was born, I doted on her, even though my depression was still bad. I still dote on her.
So I know you are doing the right thing because your XW is in such a terrible mess with every aspect of her life and I think losing you and them is the only way she will be forced to get her act together.
I know you did everything possible to help her. I just feel a mother's pain.
I think I am getting a bug, which maybe why I was in tears earlier. I often get down when my body is 'going down' with some illness.
I keep shaking and my arms are hurting for no reason. I feel wiped out and it's only 6 o clock in the evening here.
H is bringing DD's tomorrow. I hope it doesn't get any worse by then.
I wanted to apologise to everyone on this forum because I've not been very helpful to other people's situations and haven't posted much, but I've been a bit emotional lately so I didn't think I could be very constructive to others.
Yeah, Bruce is right. Don't worry, I dont think any of us are going to solve our problems any time soon with/without your support. This forum has been quiet lately anyway since Wes is out and we are all left with not much to do because when he is around he keeps us busy following and criticizing his pursuit tactics!
I hope you get well enough to enjoy your kids this weekend. It may just be the emotional and physical upheavals that you have been through that are causing you to lose resistance to bugs. Take care.
UD
The 3 laws of DBing:
1. PMA is critical to DBing.
2. Since drop in WAW's PMA leads to drop in LBS's PMA and vice-versa detachment is critical.
3. Validate to raise WAW's PMA and GAL to raise LBS's.
Jo, Oh no, you didn't offend me, I feel your pain from your depression of the past because of seeing XW being depressed. I always admire your thoughts, I am sorry that I didn't explain my feelings correctly. I have never been offended by what you have written, mainly because I know that you are a very caring and fair person.
There was a few times I felt offended by some of the other members, after thinking things through they were correct and I should not have been offended.
I should be the one apologizing too. I hardly put any comments on other people's threads since I really don't know what to say. Everyone here seems to have their dbing efforts in so much better control and I don't have many useful ideas yet!
I wanted to post to your sitch last week, I think you did a wonderful job of being a bit distant w/h. I just didn't know how to say what was on my mind.
IMHO, maybe some of the tears and shakiness comes from not having any control over the sitch of his phone call. It's hard to say 'no' when they seem to have all the right reasons; but it wasn't fair of him to ask you to change your plans on such short notice.
Take good care of yourself and I am thinking of you even if I don't have much to say. T
Yes, I feel really resentful at H for just expecting me to change my plans so suddenly just because he wants to go on holiday, esp. when he's already been on holiday 2 weeks ago and he's going again at the end of the month, for another week with DD4.
It feels like his life is just one huge holiday. He has no job, no responsibility, a live in nanny and cleaner for the kids and he just goes on all these holidays and sees all these friends which is why he won't let me have the kids half-time, because I interupt his socials with his friends.
I am doing my best having a life without him and them, making things good for DD4 and me, working all the hours God sends on my books and my organisation. I do a help line so I'm having to answer calls from distressed people also, and listen to their problems and I'm doing all this so that DD4 and I have some kind of life - while he just party's!
I'm worrying about money and stuff and all I want is to be allowed to live my own life. It's hard enough being divorced, but when he just expects me to drop everything so he can party somemore, it makes me feel as if he just has no respect for me.
I tell him MONTHS in advance if I have any plans to make sure it's okay with him. This is just so disrespectful. He doesn't feel any consequences to this divorce because he just expects me to drop everything for him - it's not exactly divorced reality, it's as if I am still his wife so it's alright for him to just take them and bugger off when he feels like it.
Arrghh - I went to sleep for 2 hours this evening because I'm so exhausted by this sitch. I feel really ill.
I wish if he's left me for good that he would just let me get on with my life. Instead, he's emailing me and texting me and making pointless contact for no reason and I'm just furious.
If this is actually going to lead anywhere, fair enough, but otherwise, I just want my life back and I feel like I never can with him messing it up
I am sorry you are feeling so low today. My W does the very same thing to me. It seems like her life is just one long fun vacation right now, without any responsibilities or anything. Standard MLC fare.
Just curious, how does your XH pay for all the party lifestyle and for supporting kids etc? He has to be doing some work?
Arrghh - I went to sleep for 2 hours this evening because I'm so exhausted by this sitch. I feel really ill.
"I wish if he's left me for good that he would just let me get on with my life. Instead, he's emailing me and texting me and making pointless contact for no reason and I'm just furious." - He seems to want to keep you in orbit. Just the same thing that you had said to gabriel and just the same thing my W does. Keeping me in orbit while she sits on the fence.
"If this is actually going to lead anywhere, fair enough, but otherwise, I just want my life back and I feel like I never can with him messing it up." - It has been so long, I cant believe you have been there for so long and continue to keep hope. I dont know how you do it.
"Help, I feel as if I am the WAW."- Perhaps this will actually help? It seems to me that the last time you got him to respond was when you filed for divorce. But you are doing everything you can to keep him at a distance. I dont know what else you can do.
You are doing superhuman things, Jo. It is going to wear you down sometimes. I hope you get through this bad patch.
UD
The 3 laws of DBing:
1. PMA is critical to DBing.
2. Since drop in WAW's PMA leads to drop in LBS's PMA and vice-versa detachment is critical.
3. Validate to raise WAW's PMA and GAL to raise LBS's.
Then tell him. Tell him you deserve respect and consideration as well.
And tell him to quit contacting you with silly reasons, unless he really wants to talk.
I promise you, from the male perspective, he has NO idea why you are upset, if you are showing any anger toward him.
He might get angry with you, but at least you will know you were honest with him and yourself. And not getting frustrated for what appears to be no reason to him. And making yourself sick holding it all in.
with/without your support. 
This forum has been quiet lately anyway since Wes is out and we are all left with not much to do because when he is around he keeps us busy following and criticizing his pursuit tactics! 
