UD, he has done this so many times that I cannot assume he is interested just because he shows interest in my work.
He would have to tell me he's interested before I would believe this.
2. I haven't seen any change in his behaviour financially so I don't believe that has changed.
3. I do want to reconcile to have him back and my kids, but likewise I did have very severe depression after he left including hospitalisation and 3 OD's. I was on anti-depressants for about 18 months and having to travel to hospital every month to see a consultant. I was cleared of depression in about February 03 but I still have times when I 'crash' - therefore, my PMA is vitally important to me and to DD4 who lives with me.
I want to DB in a safe way that doesn't open me up to the possibility of depression.
4. True, I do want more non-sexual support, but in the past he has given AOS for MONTHS and then we've got to a crossroads in the R, then shortly after it develops into an intimate R, he backs off. I need to be certain I am not getting into the same cycle.
Also, I am not sure of his intention. He might just want to be friends permanently, in which case I am not interested in that. I can do civil for the kids, or a proper R but not in between.
Maybe I shouldn't analyse it so much.
5. True, the goal isn't mystery, but likewise, he thinks he can treat me however he likes and that I'll always be there to chat to him and give him sex etc (he even asked me once, if he moves away, would I still let him visit me? - he meant in a more than friends way whilst living the other side of the country. I said no).
He has never let go properly and in my opinion my marriage will not be saved until I switch off and then he realises that there will be no more Jo for him unless he moves back in and acts like the husband he should be.
This sounds hard, but honestly, there has to be a limit to the amount of time I give in and let him run me round in circles? I believe if I try to be distant, he will eventually panic and ask for sex (his usual response) at which point I will say no (180) and then he will either take me back because he realises I'm gone, or that will be it.
6. I thought he was getting it. He said 'I Love you' and a whole load of other really romantic things which he hadn't said in 3 years, and then 3 weeks later I got an email saying he couldn't be with me because he's too 'rigid' in his parenting views.
So I am very skeptical about any moves on his part to move closer. I welcome them, but I'm wary.
Perhaps he is sorry for that email and wishes he hadn't done that? He upped his AOS quite a lot after that and seems to be initiating quite a lot of contact, although we don't generally spend any time together when he comes here, like we used to.
