I see how the motherhood role is the lynchpin in your past difficulties with H. Maybe your other GAL work and advances will empower you greatly in H's eyes and let him feel a loss of control over your esteem and if so, allow him to relax his grip on the kids.
Sounds like he doesn't have a whole lot going for him other than that parent role, so I can see your presence as mother being threatening to him, especially since in his heart he may just believe that you can do a much better job.
IMHO, it would be so beneficial to your sitch if he got a job. It is very tricky business to be a stay-at-home dad, and even more so in a difficult sitch.
