He has offered me time with them (like 1 day a week). What I am scared of is if he then behaves like I described in previous posts and then my girls end up in the middle, and really upset like the last time.
I don't want to be in a position where everything I do is up for criticism by him because I know I would start getting depression if that happened again and my depression was SEVERE.
I have spoken to him about this and he says that was ages ago (it was about 15 months ago) and he has changed since then and what I do in my own house is up to me, but I am just scared that he's just saying that, that he might be acting.
I have to find some way of trusting him - but certainly over the last few months he hasn't seemed to want my involvement so his actions don't really match his words.
Yes, I think the home ed was in part so he doesn't have to work. I also think he took the kids because they are part of me and he doesn't really want to let go. He has told me loads of times how DD1 is like me.
On the plus side, he uses my maiden surname as part of their surname because ('you're the mother' - his words). His responses to me as a mother seem to be all over the place and very contradictory.
He never had any ambition in the marriage and had all these jobs he hated. He wanted to stop at home with the kids and did do while I went through university but we fought sometimes because of the role reversal; he didn't think it was a man's job, even though he didn't really want a job.
When he set up his shop, he got very competitive and lacking in support for my work (that's what led up to the bomb). After the bomb, he was almost as depressed as me, didn't go to work, hence the shop closed and he blamed me and our M for that.
He has never worked since - he took the kids from me when he left so he went on benefits and of course, that court stuff took up 2 years, and he has said he won't get a regular job because he is home eduating. He does fix people's computers here and there and ocassionally builds them to sell, but that is about it.
I don't have an objection to his lack of ambition, provided he is in a relationship with either me or someone else. I think as long as there is another partner to pay the bills, it's okay, but on his own, I object to it as he's having to rely on the State.
Because of my depression and the court action, my business was closed for 10 months and I survived off welfare and maternity payments. Then last June I opened it again and am making enough to break even but not much profit. I am now on a scheme where the government give you money for developing your business and of course, I make the odd big sale of my books.
I am not as successful as I was before the bomb, but I hope after this book gets published, I can get financially on top again.
Certainly, H is somtimes jealous of my ambition, although he compliments me on being clever all the time. I think he is torn. The grass is NOT greener on the other side and he isn't any happier after splitting up this family.
I know, though, that he wouldn't like it if he knew about the law course, and he doesn't really approve of the book. I am going to do it anyway and just not mention it much to him.
