Thanks Gabriel

You do boost my PMA Don't reckon you'll be needing to beat the men off me, but if you ever want a holiday in the UK, don't hesitate.

I am as loyal to my friends as I am to H so you will probably be stuck with me until your son graduates - LOL.

BTW, I've been thinking about the design of the back cover of my book and I wondered if I could put your comments on it, since you've read a bit of it.

Did it grip you enough?

Re the single life thing, I went through this phase of thinking I had to have another man to 'get over' H and be happy, hence all the one night stands and stuff that I had with men.

I was totally miserable and I HATED dating. It seemed so unnatural and it dawned on me that the guys I went with were only there because that's what other's expected me to do after a separation and it wasn't actually what I wanted.

I started to enjoy life in my own right and I realised that I didn't need to be someone's partner to be happy. I also realised that I had made life-long promises to Andy which still held true to me even if they didn't to him, so even if we didn't reunite, I would keep my promise - not in a martyr sort of way, but just get on with my life as a single person.

It was actually a relief knowing I didn't HAVE to date and I didn't have to worry about yet another horrible sexual encounter I didn't want, that my heart wasn't part of, or worry that I was being used for sex by those men.

My self-esteem is higher now I set my own rules and stay true to my vows.

I can now have male friends and even the odd bit of harmless banter because I have made the decision I will never be with any of them, so it's 'safe' to be chatty.

I am concentrating on my career and actually enjoying it, instead of worrying about being single and thinking I need to find 'the one'.

I already found the one. He's Andy, he always will be Andy even if we never reunite.

But I agree with you, Gabriel, he does act as if he does love me and since he actually SAID SO, I am going to patiently get on with my life until there comes a time when he feels safe enough to let me parent properly.

Underneath, I am still his wife. D does not cancel the relationship, as I found out.

Jo.