Well today I'm eating chocolate and it's because H has just collected my beautiful dd4 for their trip away.
He rang me this morning and asked to come over but he woke me up, I had slept in late.
I told him I wasn't dressed, wasn't ready, hadn't given dd4 her bath yet etc.
He said it doesn't matter, I will bath her. So I ran around, getting her dressed (I put her in this really cute navy and white 'sailor' dress) and getting myself ready.
As much as I love the idea of answering the door in my dressing gown, right now that wouldn't be a good idea. So I put on this red velvet tracksuit which is okay but not sexy.
He turned up late, almost at the time he was originally supposed to, so I could have bathed dd anyway! I asked him to do it when he arrives at his destination.
He brought back this bag of mine that he never returned from ages ago, and kind of threw it at my feet in a sort of 'pack her clothes' summons.
I laughed at him and said 'What did your last slave die of?' I reminded him about her other clothes at his house (he doesn't return her things after she stays with him which is annoying).
He made a remark about how I spend loads of money I don't have on designer labels for her.
I DO spend money I don't have and hope to get my payments reduced by Christmas, BUT I don't buy designer label unless I love it. It isn't about the label, it's whether I think it looks good. I have a pair of leggin's I love that cost me 20p from a car boot sale.
I told him I don't buy labels, and at any rate, I only have 1 child left so I am entitled to spoil her (dig, dig - I couldn't resist this remark).
He said nothing and we were still getting on okay despite this.
I gave this bunch of bananas to my other dd's and told them they are to eat on the journey.
H asked me what I was doing for dd4's birthday. I told him we are going to Ikea to get her some toy cooking things for this kitchen I'm getting her and we're going to have Swedish ice cream in the restaurant and play in the children's play park.
I asked him if he and dd's wanted to come along (he is her daddy). To my surprise he said YES.
On her actual birth day he was not with me - I laboured alone at home and had her on my living room rug, on her 1st birthday we were court ordered to stay away from each other, so my lawyer told me I could not invite him to her birthday, and last year he said he was 'too busy' - this is the first time EVER that he and my other girls will have shared her birthday with me.
I am pleased and terrified at the same time.
DD4 started telling H about this toddler group I take her to which is held in a church hall and he told me that she's always talking about it with him so she must love it. That made me feel great
Then she told him about her first day at nursery school and all the stuff she did. I was really enjoying listening to this conversation.
I bought her a kids camping set with a miniture tent and a kids chair and a sleeping bag and torch, so she was REALLY excited, showing it to him and saying how she's going to 'play dens' with her sisters.
I am really happy for them even if I will be alone all this time.
H said I can work hard while he is gone (he knows I'm a workaholic).
Then I waved them all off and he beeped at me as he drove away.
I feel a mixture of depression and hope. It's hard to say how I feel - hopefully the chocolate will increase my serotonin levels.
