Sorry you feel that way. So do I sometimes. I know you are trying to help HP.
Quote: I believe she is using the UTI's as a bulletproof excuse why she won't have sex--because she's resentful towards you.
Bingo HP. If I won't stop sex because of her feelings, a real medical reason is brought into play is my opinion. I am mot saying she has the UTI's intention, but saying the lack of trying something additional to reduce them is a choice she is using to reinforce her lack sex drive or belief sex is for making babies, etc.
She is also resentful for me complaining about her shopping, when I complained about the 6 cats peeing on the carpets 3 died of old age since and now that is not a problem now), when I complained about the comotion the 4 dogs caused inside and outside the house and the messes they left outside.
Quote: I was thinking about you and your stash of junk that drives BB bananas. What are your plans for that?
I take a load of it to various donation stores every week along with her stuff (tupperware, choppers/dicers, new hair care products that were part of a set but she did not like the individual item, her mother's extra things, etc.
Our big difference is BB wants to order a commercial dumpster and throw everything in the dumpster in a week. I want to donate some things and sell the rest of the stuff to customers,on eBay, or consign some things.
Trashing it is faster and you don't have to clean anything. Selling is slower, you have to clean the things. When you donate you should clean things and you can't flood the donation store with too many like items or they tend to throw it out.
My bigest problem with this whole "work for, buy it, play with it, it does not make me happy/something newer came out, donate it" process is; I am tired of the whole process because it wasted lots of work time, financial resources, and it's kind of like a slap in the face or something like "your gift was not good enough/lost it's shine so lets just throw it out" Maybe that is what I have to supress in my self.
I see some of this same thing happen when we eat out. People order things, eat 75% of what they order and leave the rest. Some kids want everything exciting they see advertised, then eat less than half of it.
Mellanie's dad is off base. He most like said that to deflect some comments he does not know how to address. I know I hear the same "what am I going to do if you died tomorrow" from BB. I know BB borrows trouble. I did not know I was going to die tomorrow.
I don't want to leave my inventory for BB or the kids to take care of. I have plans to get rid of my inventory in the next 6 months to a year.
In the mean time , until hers and my stuff is gone, No sex???? I suspect it won't start again when the house is clutter free. The UTI's will still be there. Clutter, UTI's, all of the other hoops one has to go through are a problem when one person does the most reading, talking, and the other person's main line is "I don't know" or "How do you want me to feel" then adds " I have to be me and you have to accept that." More hospital talk.
Like I said many of BB's hospital friends are in debt management programs, divorced, somewhat weird (goats ride in the car), or gay. I did meet a couple of rock solid people.
There is a commercial on TV now where the little girl tells her mon "I don't like that" to several items in a grocery store. Ihe commercial tells the mom to buy a meal suppliment drink because your kids don't eat right. When I see that I do a slow burn. It's all about people being too lienient. These adds remind me of some of BB's friends that subscribe to "I have to be me" which sometimes means "I don't want to play by the rules."
HP, I don't know why you two can't watch Michele's DVD while Mr HP is out of work. It might do Mr HP some good taking a break from worrying about finding a new job.
BTW, eventhough my posts might sound like I am hostile, angry or etc, I try to act in a civil manner and try to have an attitude that is condusive to working out issues.
BB said she has a new vaginal itch and was going to the store for something. I said that I read in one book she should consider looking for xyz. She said that she heard abc was better. I said according to one book written by a urologist, the practice does not pass clinical evaluations and is propetuated by the industry that makes the product and most people don't use the product correctly.
I did ask BB if she was interested in reading the books or should I put the 2 Urinary Tract books away. She said she will get around to reading them some time.
I don't think you sound hostile at all. I think you sound frustrated, disappointed and hurt. I also hear real concern for your financial situation. I think that is very valid.
An eon ago I had problems with recurrent UTI's. It was when I was first married. I had the same trouble as a little girl. It took multiple rounds of antibiotics, close supervision and finally they went away. Some thoughts - drinking plenty of water and cranberry juice helps, tub baths can make things worse. There is an over the counter analgesic that can make things much more comfortable in the meantime (certainly comfortable enough for sex)- it is called Azo-Standard - the only side effect is organge urine. Also, urinating immediately after sex is recommended. I haven't had problems with UTI's in years. I agree with HP - she's using this as a dodge. That is baloney.
Some other things that can contribute to UTIs are perfumed toilet paper (try using something like Scott brand), bubble baths, and nylon panties and/or stockings (undies without a cotton crotch).
I've never had a problem with UTIs, but a friend of mine did and the above were all things that contributed to her problem.
Quote: I don't think you sound hostile at all. I think you sound frustrated, disappointed and hurt.
Thanks, That is the way I feel and I also know BB is feeling something too. My main frustration is almost the same in about every area, BB has her way and is very resistant to read books and try some ot the concepts outlined in the articles.
I think the money thing is kind of resolving it self (future purches are declining) at the expense of sex. I am beginning to see where BB knew she over spent and might have felt obligated to have sex, kind of like a guilt thing. Now her guilt? feelings about her spending are being resolved she no longer is motivated in the sex dept. just a thought I had.
BB is on anti-biotics for a tooth implant and the dentist is working to reduce the chance of a gum infection. Trouble is antibiotics kill off the good bacteria and then you are open for other types of problems.
The good bugs take about 2 to 4 weeks to grow back according to one book I read.
FYI several good bugs/bacteria live on or in your body and some medications kill the good as well as the bad bugs. So geing germ/bug free is not good.
Right you are Mrs. Nop. One doc also suggested putting plain yogurt into the vagina daily for a week or so after using antibiotics. Antibiotics are awful and the UTI - yeast infection cycle is not pleasant. Been there. Done that.
Quote: Some other things that can contribute to UTIs are perfumed toilet paper (try using something like Scott brand), bubble baths, and nylon panties and/or stockings (undies without a cotton crotch
Have done all of the normal things suggested at most UTI sites. Working/insisting on the wash before and the pee after.
My heart started to beat fast for no logical reason and BB saw that I looked stressed. After a while the conversation got to the topic of me being frustrated with the no/little sex and her lack of actions to overcome/mitigate the UTI situation. I said I felt like it was up to me to solve the problems and she was just along for the ride. No angry words exchanged.
BB offered to have sex with me in the afternoon but I said no, lets just cuddle for a while. We did. I told BB we need to do something to reduce the UTI's and that ment she has to read the books I bought.
BB made a comment about the book not being written by a Dr. ("Patient's Encyclopaedia of Urinary Tract Infection, Sexual Cystitis and Interstitial Cystitis" ) so she did pick it up. I asked her what she thought of the book. BB said it would take a while (2 weeks?) to read. I said I read chapters related to her problems and skipped the other chapters, like UTI's during pregnancy, and it only took 2 hrs.
Last night, sex was offered again but I said I would rather not until she read some parts of the two books that I thought would help her have fewer UTI's. I sort of got her to see we need to do more than what she was doing in the past. It was a difficult and slow sell but I outlined an encounter that I would be comfortable with, that should be UTI free form the #1 cause, E coli. I am looking foward to some cooperation and maybe some ML soon.
Anyone think I was wrong turning down regular, the old way, sex, and holding out for something that has more steps, more sanitary, less spontanieous, and is a less romantic?
Wrong? No. I would not have turned it down for those reasons. If you read the relavant chapters, can't you summarize them for her? Would condoms help reduce the infections? I personally love condoms - they help me last longer.
I figure that conditions are rarely if ever ideal. If my W offered sex twice to me I might keel over from the shock.
read the relavant chapters, can't you summarize them for her? I have but BB is still resistant to do more. If my summaries do not prevent another UTI, she will become more resistant to sex. I want her to read for herself and buy into and feel like she owns some of the suggestions.
I would not have turned it down for those reasons. If I go along with the old way and she gets another UTI, that gives her more reasons to not want sex. I have to plan ahead so "if" she got another UTI, it would not flare up on the weekend or holiday so that leaves sunday through wednesday as possible IC days.
We did talk a little about length/time of IC. Since she said it does not do much for her, I asked if a quicky would be better for her. She sort of agreed, quickies might work better for her. Do I have to fear the "wam-bam-thank you mam" complaints? I hope not and don't expect to.
I am trying to get BB to try things because "SHE" sees merit in the idea. Most of the time if it is my opinion or me pressing the issue, something happens to screw things up. It's like "see I told you this would not work" type of limited cooperation.
Once, I bought a car and she did not like it because it was very plain looking. I had the best tires I could buy on the car because BB has trouble driving in the winter with any 2WD vehicle. Well, BB drove the car with a flat tire one winter day because she deemed the car junk anyway. If BB reasoned the car was junk my opinion, based on being a mechanic for 25 years and having worked for the car dealership where the car was origionally sold, does not count
This is one example why I want her to read and possibly see some solution to the UTI problem. BB reads magazine articles about good/bad drugs and foods all the time and tries to sway my opinion according to the article's conclusion.
BB showed me an article from the newspaper about UTI's and how dangerous they were. I read the article. It was from a 78 year old woman that took some sulfa drugs when "she thought" she had an infection about once a month. She rarely went to the Dr. and did her own diagnosis and treatment. Not exactly a simmilar case here. I don't want BB to diagnose herself or take some "one drug kills all the bugs."
We are making some progress with this issue so I can wait a little more. I did bring up the issue of frustrations and so did BB.
She is still focusing on my inventory in the basement and garage. For her it is not being moved out fast enough and she feels like she is never going to see the end of the clutter. She still wants me to throw all of the good and old stuff in the dumpster. I still want to try to sell the good stuff and recycle the older inventory if that can be done and I am willing (already doing) to throw out the parts machines. I will admit progress is even slower than I had anticipated.
Also, my internet time here on DB is a problem for BB and actually does interfear with work more than it should. I am cutting back and will see what improves.
