dodgermf. I used to work in a deliquent boy's group home and there were a lot of "Wanabees" or "want to be junior gangsters" in the group. To the kids, being in a gang, real or imagined, had lots of clout so I played along. Most of the boys did not respect working, manners, being honest, or putting money in the bank. They somewhat respected home gang rules so I made believe I used to be in a gang. It worked sometimes.
"Original Gangster" or a softer version "Old Gang/Original Gang shortened to "OG" was what they called me because I was the oldest guy working in the home. So OG sort of referenced my age and hinting I was so old I must have been part of the "Original Gang". Think, Older than dirt, shook hands with Noak and saw the Ark, get the picture.
I also used to lead them on saying things like computers in my day were wind up, we only had 8 inch TV in 1906, and I remember seeing the first car in 1902. My lies were so over board any sane person would know I was not telling the truth. To the boys anyone over 45 was ancient and should be shot. Old gang members were OK though.
Believe it or not, some famalies from L.A. sent the deliquent kids to relatives in Montana thinking the kis would straighten up. They didn't. They met other local Gangster wanabees and other L.A. Gangster.
Gangster CD (not music in my mind) You can't overcome crap music from guys liks Snoop Dog, 50cent, eminem. If that type of junk is in your house, throw it out. It encourages and propetuates bad behaviors.
Quote: BB is convinced the female body loses the ability to safely and effectively have sex a little bit every year after menopause starts or when HRT stops. Kind of like a gradual winding down to zero healthy sex after so many years. It's not that you can't have sex, but if you do there is going to be some consequence, UTI's, irritations from friction, more pain, triggering hot flashes, etc.
I'm tempted to say bunk...from what I know of it, the trapped liquids in the vagina excrete and keep the labia and urethra moist well beyond when sex stops with or without urination. Possibly douche?
Her excuses for not being fit after menopause are not 100% correct. Yes the lining thins, some have dryness, and some may have the blatter massaged from the inside by IC. I'm not a dr. but I would think that this is "convenient" to a point. Can you talk to her dr. with her so you can get a better understanding? Or just talk to her dr for you need to understand this as "your marriage is in jepardy"
Pity me that the heart is slow to learn
What the swift mind beholds at every turn.
Edna St. Vincent Millay
The UTI articles all say douching and washing the vaginal area with soap internally kill the good bacteria and leaves the bad bacteria a place to grow faster. There is also the PH factor that is disturbed if you douch. Use mild, non deoderant soap on the anal area, after every BM and before sex if you pass gas.
Quote: Can you talk to her dr. with her
I tried that. She wants to go alone, after all she was a nurse and acts by what she learned working in the hospital (ward standard operating procedures) and school. She worked with guys that were really broken up and were strapped to a frame. They never got out of bed and some got UTI's. They drank un-sweetened cranberry juice or lots of beer to reduce or wardoff UTI's.
I am trying to introduce additional measures (washing before sex) and get her to quit skipping some of the steps like peeing after sex.
The book "Patient's Encyclopaedia of Urinary Tract Infection, Sexual Cystitis and Interstitial Cystitis" arrived in the mail today. I gave it a quick read and the author was not a doctor but had UTI's almost constantly for several years. She found she could almost eliminate her UTI's by washing after a bowel movement (even after passing a lot of gas, right before sex), using mild soap and rinsing with about a quart of water.
First wash the anal area with a little soap and water and lean foward sitting on the toilet. Run some of the water down your butt. Next tilt your pelvis up and foward and use a pint of water positioned in the pubic area to gravity flush any soap and bacteria into the toilet. Then blot dry with a lint free cloth or use kitchen towel type paper to dry. Toilet paper gets wet, tears, and leaves bits of paper behind. All of this can be done in the ladies room.
She said BIDET butt washers sprays water and fecal matter from behind towards the vagina and actually get E coli up in the area you don't want bacteria in. The bottle wash method washes bacteria downward and back and away from the urethera.
The author had several other interesting ideas to treat symptoms and other ideas to reduce some types of infections. She said to limit sugar as much as possible and eat foods with lots of fiber. That way the E Coli count is reduced in the stool. Sugars and white flour increase the E coli count.
Well, now that I grossed someone out or this is too boring for some, you know more than BB. The first thing she said the woman was not a Dr. and made fun of one reviewers name.
Will BB read the book is the next question? Or will she trust me to be the gleaner of wisdom and just tell her the short version of the book. I will wait and see what happens.
I ordered two more books. "You Don't Have to Live With Cystitis!/How to Avoid It--What to Do", by Larrian Gillespie, Sandra Blakeslee and a relationship book, "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman. The Seven Principles was endorced by a couple of woman that has had some very good results Dbing.
Lou, I hope the books offer some hope for your situation.
Although I will say here that my gut feeling is that these higher tech books will not help BB if she is not willing to do the easiest treatment of all--go to the bathroom after sex.
I was 31 when this started happening to me, and too young to blame it on the old decrepit female body. I read that using the bathroom afterwards would help and so that's what I do.
I still am unclear on what BB's objection is to using the bathroom afterwards. I feel like hauling her up there like I do my little girls and saying, I don't care if you don't have to go, just sit there and see what happens ok sweetie?
Quote: I still am unclear on what BB's objection is to using the bathroom afterwards.
It means two things HP. One she does not have the urge and two peeing after might not work to prevent a UTI because she is convinced her and almost every women her age is too old for sex.
BB is still resisting but not out right saying no to the things I learned about reducing UTI's or saying 100% no to sex but if she gets one it's going to be my fault. Then the resistance to any action starts over again and will be more difficult to initiate sex next time. Right now I am working on reading for herself and her "buying into" some ot the things in the books.
Also her complaint/honey-do/she is getting short changed list, has too many things on it for to feel good.
1. Grass is a little brown. 2. Windows need painting. 3. Bathroom/bedroom needs new flooring. 4. Too much business inventory in the basement and garage. 5. D34 owes her a call. BB does not get the consideration she deserves. Other people are selfcentered. 6. H is on the computer again. He said it had something to do with a book he read. She thinks it is most likely a porn site. 7. She is tired. The dogs woke her up when they barked at the cats the last couple of nights. 8. Yada yada yada.
So you see it is more than sex HP. I am going to read the next UTI book and and condense what I think I learned from the books and web sites into about 6 pages that apply to our situation.
Quote: just sit there and see what happens ok sweetie?
You are so right HP but iif I did that I become her dad in a way. I do have to do something like that, so your idea is helpfull.
Try looking for centurian porn...yes, porn involving 100yo's!
Don't ask how, for I don't really remember but somehow that site came up. I'm about 99.5% kidding but the site does exist. I think it has something to do with me fighting my midlife crisis...but that's just a passing thought.
Pity me that the heart is slow to learn
What the swift mind beholds at every turn.
Edna St. Vincent Millay
the book titled "You Don't Have to Live With Cystitis!/How to Avoid It--What to Do" by Larrian Gillespie MD, 1986. Some medical terms one has to look up to understand, but over all I will rate it a fair book because it deals with many causes of urinary/vaginal pain not caused by UTI's and lab tests that a normal person would not be able to carry out.
The book Is good if you consider all of the possible reasons for urinary tract / vaginal pain and discomfort. There are many non-bacterial problems/infections described in the book.
Gillespie promotes cultures (specific bacteria identified) rather than dip-stick test (which test for several types of bacteria, but not specific strains) The Idea behind culture test is identify "A" specific bacteria and to treat "the one bacteria" with the most efficient drug at it's lowest dosage for the shortest effective time. (3days instead of 10 days in some cases)
HP the book might touch on your condition, but I don't know enough about your situation in medical terms. Some of the cases cited seem to have many things in common with your descriptions.
RE:LostGal
Quote: centurian porn...I'm about 99.5% kidding but the site does exist. I think it has something to do with me fighting my midlife crisis...but that's just a passing thought.
Good humor LG. Will it take that long to get some action going? I imagine you brought up the idea to prove a point that you are never too old for sex if you are in good health.
Books: I have read 2 books about UTI's and they are laying on the coffe table. I am going along with the general advice about not expecting the spouse to read the books. If you should not chide or encourage a spouse to read a R book, I guess the same thing applies to semi-medical or medical books. Pressuring or asking someone to read something seems like inviting a cheeseless tunnel experience.
Any other opinions? I am losing interest is the R. Been here a year and have made measurable progress in some areas, others areas are worse. I wonder if BB thinks when she gave up some of her shopping she also needs to cut back in the sex area.
I kknow the UTI's are a big problem for her, the way she sees things. Just wondering.
Lou, I can't see how the UTI's are that big of a problem for her if she won't do anything to eliminate them, but I am beating a dead horse so I'll hush.
You know, I was thinking about you and your stash of junk that drives BB bananas. What are your plans for that? It seems that this is something she mentions quite frequently. If one person has a repeated gripe that crops up in nearly every argument, I think it's safe to say that it is a legitimate gripe and needs looking into.
If you don't feel comfy getting rid of the extra inventory, what about a storage unit? You can get them around here for 40-50 bucks per month. (no climate control tho) That 40-50 bucks per month would be a SMALL price to pay for the benefits you would receive. Namely, that BB would be able to restore some of her faith in you because she would see, with her own eyes, that you are taking her complaints seriously and doing something about it.
If you say, well if I spent 50 bucks per month on a storage unit, that would cut into my potential profit too much, then you really oughta re-think keeping the stuff around. If you are keeping a basement's worth of stuff around and the payoff might be less than what it would cost to store it all, then it's not really the best business decision, kwim?
Just trying to think of ways that you can move on over to BB's side. I don't see her wanting to address the UTI's until she sees you making a good faith effort to address hers.
The UTI solution is SO simple that I cannot believe that is the main reason she wants to avoid sex. Rather, I believe she is using the UTI's as a bulletproof excuse why she won't have sex--because she's resentful towards you.
I'm interested to see what she does with the books sitting there!
Good observations HP. At my dad's we have a house full of "stuff" that my mom collected and dad just doesn't want to part with. He joked today that he'll keep it til he's "gone" then let us (the kids) deal with it...Thanks Dad.
Each experience in life has formed me, become part of me, made me stronger.
