Shopping-donation store-potential early retirement

[Bube]

The reason to not be controlling, is the relationship developes into a parent / child one.

I couldn't agree more. That's very close to what I told the C. I said that I didn't want to have to be her father; I wanted her to learn to be responsible with our money.

The C had two responses to that. The first was the tried and true, "you can only change yourself" line. The second was asking me to think of it as a disability and not necessarily as a bad behavior. She said that rather than think that W was unwilling to be responsible with money, I was to think of it as being unable to be responsible with money. It was hard to maintain in the face of the complaints from W about not being trusted with the checkbook, but I was supposed to think of it as helping her by removing a responsibility that she was unable to handle.

Wildebube

[OG_Lou]

RE: WB

The first was the tried and true, "you can only change yourself"

OK and true.

The second was asking me to think of it as a disability and not necessarily as a bad behavior

BS, BS, BS ALEART. The other good one is It's her money, or her money too and it's OK to fritter it away.

The most selfish one I hear is "I hav to make my mistakes myself before I learn anything" Like, Right, you have to learn to survive a broken arm before you can read and gain some information from a book?

Well, I don't have to have a broken arm before I read about how to at least splint a broken arm in a book or practice using a substitute dummy or rig.

I quit paying off BB credit card when we did not have much. I was enabeling her before that by helping her out of fixes. Noe that she has her dead relatives money, it is a little more difficult to say how it is spent. The more I put the brakes on the out of controll spending, the less nookie happens.

I am out looking at the 3rd treadmill this weekend. Will ML or just plain sex happen? I am not trading spending for sex so right now, who cares. More trips to the donation store, then shopping, then R talks.

How does W see it "I don't like the old one" "we have the money" "so, it's OK if I get fat, I will quit walking" How I feel? (comments removed by me) Mostly frustrated.

OG Lou

[Bube]

Lou,

Maybe I should clarify what the C was telling me about W's inability to handle money needing to be treated as a disability. She, the C, wasn’t making excuses for W; it was just supposed to be a tool to help me to deal with it. She in no way absolved W of wrongdoing. I was just so steamed about the constant spending and so resistant to the idea of putting W on an allowance, that the C offered this as a tool to help me as we worked through the problems.

In all fairness, I really should point out that the spending never really was resolved. I have loosened up a little, but I still have to keep W on a short leash where money is concerned. Kind of like the LD spouse gradually slipping back into not making any effort at all, I seem to gradually slip back into letting W get more control over money. When I do, she invariably starts spending too much. Then we have to have the money version of “the Talk”, and I clamp down again. Fortunately, it gets easier. She’s still irresponsible, but force of habit has made her more accepting of the allowance.

Wildebube

[OG_Lou]

WB, as we post here, I am having a parallel conversation with BB and her 3rd treadmill. The one from the fitness store she wants cost $1250 and the one I say we should buy from a mass merchandiser cost $800. Both treadmills have the same technical specifications, HP motor, and seem to operate the same. BTW, we really don't need a new one. To listen to BB, it is an accident waiting to happen.. I never have any trouble using it and as you might remember, I am not a light weight person.

BB wants the $1250 one because they deliver and the $800 one I have to clear out my van and can pick it up in a couple of days. BB is all sad faced because we can't go "now" and buy one and is using the phrase "nothing ever gets done." She actually would have paid the extra $450 just to have it delivered today but I said no. I back in March, don't see how some people pay the extra $450 for one day local delivery when 2 or 3 day delivery is free. On BB's side, she has been "wanting" a different treadmill for 6 months, so to her "nothing gets done." All I am trying to do is avoid some of the things we disagree on and slow down the buy use donate merry-go-round.

BB paid $450 more for her cable & weight machine in town, because she wanted it now. If I had my way I could have gotten the cable & weight machine for $700 less on eBay ($1,600 vs $900). So when people advise me to stay out of BB's spending because it is "HER MONEY" my mind goes to "yes, but why be impulsive and pay a lot more just because the sales persom looked "buff" and you can have it now impulses hit. Buff is what you get "IF" you use the equipment. It is not going to rub off just because you buy the equipment from some kool looking guy. Two days wait does not warrent spending $450 so you can have something now.

So folks, do you "think I am controlling" or a sucker for the buy, use, then donate merry-go round.

OG Lou

[LostGal]

Lou...ask here what she's going to get for the extra $450? Or if you can keep it for delivery fee?...would go a long way to keep 'xyz' (van if you can pull it off...tires? ) in repair..

[LostGal]

Lou one of the threads you indicated that you were a bit chunky. (my words) Be all lovey over the tread mill...thank her for watching out for your back and being so carring that you can excercise out of the elements and all....

really work it...i bet she says "fine" you can bring in in the house

[OG_Lou]

RE: LostGal

really work it...i bet she says "fine" you can bring in in the house

LG, I am not sure what you mean by this.

I can qualify chunky, I can tell you 6ft,4in and 265# and the current tread mill works fine. No need for new equipment because of my weight but BB finds faults with many things we have.

BB did apreciate some of my recent attempts to be healthier. And she is less negative about her body image since starting to exercise again and toning up a little.

It could have been done with the old equipment, but those TV adds make some people think "if only they had the new equipment they could double their results with half the effort" and for that lie, you have to pay big bucks, and the wish of an easy path to fitness becomes just another dashed dream. You are without the cash but have more to go to the donation store.

you can excercise out of the elements and all....

You mean I can mow my acre of grass using the push rotary mower in the house? OOPS, SORRY, Just being a smart a$$ again

Really the old treadmill is fine to use in the no grass months. I get most of my milage in, mowing the grass in the summer, and do pelvic/mid section strengthning exercises all year. They work most of the time. I just crash sometimes for what seem to be silly reasons.

Does your tractor have a dirt blade and a backhoe? I need to level some of my property. May I borrow it? I could return it in 10 years. If I have the tractor, your flowers would be safe. Just joking again.

RE Keeping the $450 for delivery.
I do work for cost. If I don't, what I want has a price, KWIM? I try not to trade anything for what I want. It seems too much like using someone. If I would take the offer, I suspect it would have consequences. I am not good with office and marrital polotics.

One time BB wanted her car airconditioner (AC) fixed "NOW." I guess the outside temp to be around 90.

I have tols for per 90 cars but the new cars have different fittings and require different service tools than I had. I jokingly said if she wanted it fixed today I woud have to spend $150 at a local store but intended to buy them on eBay for $65 for the new style tools.

BB gave me her credit card and asked if I could have her AC cold in 2 hours. I bought the $150 tools. They were not the right ones but serviced her AC anyway by making one small metal part sort of fit. I took the tools back, got a refund, and bought better ones a week later on eBay.

RE;(Cold in 2 houre)
So, you see, the "right now" theme has been around for a while.

OG Lou

[LostGal]

I think you're spoiling her. You may think you owe it to her since your income was reduced with your injuries and your expertise is in mechanics. But....she's taking advantage of you.



I understand the pre 1990 auto. The new ones with their black boxes scare me. Too bad I had to get my black box before I knew they existed.

I have a 1993 van. I think its the first or second year post Freeon. I have had dye in it and charged almost every summer since. No one can find the leak. I think the new "goop" is just faulty. The fact that she snapped her fingers and you managed to get it repaired/charged in that length of time is amazing. Next time I'd tell her to go get it done elsewhere so she learns! (1st time I was going from StLouis to Nashville and had to stop to get a plastic bag with ice in it for my neck it was so warm. Windows down and all! (of course the engine in a van is in the passenger compartment making it warmer) The second time, I was pulling a horse trailer w/horses and in the habbit of driving at night should we get into a traffic jamb the horses wouldn't cook in the sun on the ahsphalt. Well, we loaded to go to a local show at 4pm again in Nashville area, OMG with the engine load and no A/C, which I didn't realize.....OMG!)

Yes on the BackHoe...I like to plant trees and H said "Girl, you have gone beyond the one man, one shovel one wheelbarrow stage of the game" but no blade...I got a front end loader you can use if your careful and skim gently or back drag...I use it to plow...Its not quick but the outside of turns are well banked and there is a chevron pattern to some plowing to "dump" the load a plow would be good for me, but I don't know if I could get the tractor to go fast enough to fly the snow out of the way anyhow...

[OG_Lou]

Hay, you understand mechanical stuff. Good for you.

No one can find the leak

R12 and R134 both are composed of small molocules and leak at the slightest gap. One time in AC class, I heard R12 would leak out of perfectly good hoses in 10 years.

Most leaks occur because seals leak or the oil drained away from the seal. You have to run the AC once a month even in cool weather to keep the seals oiled. The oil in the system lubricates and seals a little it self.

R134 does not transfer as much heat/BTU per hour as R12 but it works.

and in the habbit of driving at night should we get into a traffic jamb the horses wouldn't cook in the sun on the ahsphalt.

I am happy to hear you consider the horses. Neighbors have horses but don't provide shade in the summer when it is 105 degrees or wind shelter when it is -20. They have Lots of water in the summer and blankets in the winter and when it is -20 usually there is no wind. Anyway, the horses seem to do OK. I am not a horse person and know very little about them except they need vet care and shoes and suck up what seems to be a lot of money for a few rides a year. I call them OUT door pets.

I got a front end loader you can use if your careful and skim gently or back drag..

Thanks for the offer. I was just trying to save your flower bed.

OG Lou

[Dmsw4]

I think it's great you can perform miracles on demand. If H offers to take that garbage out, I accept, but when the same bag of garbage sits there for more than a couple hours, I just do it myself. I can't even imagine waiting for him to do anything with the car.

Speaking of EBAY, I'm totally uninformed about how it works. My mother passed away about 2 years ago now and my dad still has so much of her stuff. She was a shopper and a bit of a hoarder/pack rat. There are NEW things in her stash downstairs that we want to sell in a garage sale. Would Ebay be a better choice? Or maybe call it an Estate Sale? Any ideas?