Lou, I'm trying to think of the marriage 100 years ago, when you had a partner for survival, not to "actively live out the golden years in travel and such".
Romance is suposed to be a recent element in marriage, eg: the aranged marriage and the match maker. But I'm with you, laughter 'togetherness' and physical love would be so wonderful.
Pity me that the heart is slow to learn
What the swift mind beholds at every turn.
Edna St. Vincent Millay
Quote: I'm trying to think of the marriage 100 years ago
I do a lot of "what did they do 100 years ago" too. boy we have it easy. BTW, I lived in houses with all outdoor plumbing and a wood/coal stove until I was in the 5th grade. S I can relate to some of what life must have been like 100 years ago. The medical really has improved. Sad to think a lot of medical advancements are due to war injuries. Artifical limb improvements, plastic surgery, drugs, per the Discovery Channel programs.
I forgot to mention electricity. I talked to a couple of old timers about the pre-electricity living situations. Big change those power lines brought. I have a copy of the first commercial radio program too.
I talked to a telegraph operater that dated her bo and eventual H, using the telegraph. Both were telegraph operaters. Talk about "ON LINE DATING" they weren't the origional on line daters.
Bet you never thought about on line dating, pre internet? Most people don't. It started with dots and dashes. It led to marriage, 2 kids, more marriages, some grand children, and those GK getting married.
Quote: laughter 'togetherness' and physical love would be so wonderful.
Sounds good LG. So what does one do to overcome medical limitations and years of neglect/frustrations in your case( I am speaking mostly about your H's lack of closeness activities and his ED).
You can try to make the M better but your SO does not have to buy what you are selling. They have to some how see you are appealing, pleasant and valuable. You have to seem them in the same appealing, pleasant and valuable light too. It's a two way street.
What are you doing to hold on to yourself while trying all of this "making the M work stuff" is gong on? I see it as how much can you repair faulty biology when the SO's mind is not working a similar program, to the level you would see as appropriate?
You try to little and not much changes. You try too hard and burn out. Cheese-less-tunnels. You do the right things in the correct amount and get somewhere, or atleast you get some things you want.
100 years ago, people did a lot of pretty sensible things. They read, they ate dinner together as a family. I doubt obesity was a problem for many. I suspect that, since travel was difficult and dangerous, people tried to find interesting things close to home. I also suspect people had more peace then.
I wish we could take the good from the days of old, and combine it with the remarkable advances in medicine and in the availability of information, ..., oh wait, we can! I still find it odd, though, that even though my W insists that all four of us sleep in the same dam* bed, she wants us to buy a house 90 minutes drive from my job just to get more bedrooms!
Keep on chuggin' Lou.
Paul There's somethin' happening here What it is ain't exactly clear.
LostGal, mandksdad said she does not have enough room for her stuff. She wants a bigger house and most likely will buy more things to fill up the rooms.
mandksdad, I dont know if it applies to you, but I heard a book called "Your money or Your Life" might be a good read for you and your W. Also there is a group associated with a movement called "Affluenza." Here is a URL Affluenza PBC where less is more.
Lou, there is something to be said for an orderly life. This may be not appropriate for this BB. however, why are you staying married? I have been pushed to answer this for myself, but I really can't, ergo the "abused/addicted" thread.
Pity me that the heart is slow to learn
What the swift mind beholds at every turn.
Edna St. Vincent Millay
I LOVED "Your Money or Your Life" and have read many, many other simple living tomes since. My current life is far from simple with all the foster kids, my hour commute etc... In my case, I work primarily for the health insurance because non-profits don't pay that much.
However, it is only possible for us to help all these extra kids because our life is very spare in terms of posessions and such. We drive cars for 10 years or more even though we sometimes buy new OR we buy old, gently used Hondas and Toyotas and use them up - just depends on what is expected of the car in terms of long trips and stuff. We don't own much furniture, no real art, fix items rather than buy new, cook at home most of the time, bring sandwiches rather than eating out when we are on the road etc... It is a choice we have made for our lives. We share the same feelings about this choice. I often feel sad for you that your W doesn't share financial values with you. That must be really difficult. Was it always that way?
HP buy, donate, buy more donate more. New larger product comes, cycle repeats itself. Get the picture? Sometimes with the impulse buying, normal things don't get done.
And yes, I am doing the best I can most times and letting some things fall where they may.
Quote: However, it is only possible for us to help all these extra kids because our life is very spare in terms of posessions and such. We drive cars for 10 years or more even though we sometimes buy new OR we buy old, gently used Hondas and Toyotas and use them up - just depends on what is expected of the car in terms of long trips and stuff. We don't own much furniture, no real art, fix items rather than buy new, cook at home most of the time, bring sandwiches rather than eating out when we are on the road etc
Good you are helping the kids. I lived with my brother when I was in 5 to 9 grade, and your house sounds like his. Sometimes 18 people lived in the house. Brother and his W had 4 kids.
10 year old cars are the norm for me. My oldest driver is a 1984. I have a 1968 and a 1930 that need to be restored. I worked in a Toyota garage, good cars if maintained. Same for Honda.
I fix most things rather than replace. I used to like to eat out but see all the grease and high calorie ingredients they use.
When I was a kid traveling and eating out ment stopping at a store, buying a loaf of bread, a pack of cheese and eating sandwiches in a shady area by the road. Now when I travel, truck stops are fine. Some days a late breakfast and an early supper are all we need.
Quote: I often feel sad for you that your W doesn't share financial values with you. That must be really difficult. Was it always that way?
Different FOO standards/assetts are the basic issues I suppose. Before we got married, we were both broke. We spent everything we earned every month. Things were fine.
After we bought a house BB started to wanted more than I did. When we had more savings, BB wanted even more things. When the retirement fund really did well and she inherited a chunk of money, my opinions no longer counted for much. Her hospital friends were shoppers and influenced BB a lot.
It is difficult because I don't need much and she is the ideal target for many of the adds on TV and in print that promote consumerism.
One counselor said "I bet if you two were broke and lived on a mountain top, you probally would be friends."
